LEND ME YOUR EAR: PLAYFUL CAT ADDS TO PEOPLE-LANGUAGE

Last time around, our words with opposite meanings remained unfinished because of our emphasis on a painful "final" as experienced by a 5-year-old sage. Today, I hope to add to the multiple meanings that occurred to me during the course of my brief saga, though I did graze the educational scene.

In H.W. Fowler's "Modern English Usage," researchers will find a veritable dissertation on the many uses and abuses of "final" as applied to grammar. For example, a "final clause" is one that states the purpose of meanings in expressions such as "in order to" and "in order not to," and also "in the hope that" and "for fear that." Note that both these expressions are examples of opposite meanings.

Today, we proceed (or backtrack) with words conveying multiple meanings. This being an unfinished product, we begin with "finish." To finish a product of any kind is to complete it. To finish the surface of a table is to apply polish or paint. To finish a career may be to retire, or to end it only to begin a more lucrative or satisfying choice.

For me to finish this column may be a blessing devoutly wished by readers as well as myself -- and perhaps by a picture-perfect black-and-white cat across the way. His people name is Tibby, though he answers reluctantly to Cat. He has a long body and the longest, bushiest, most expressive tail ever owned by any cat. And if tender-hearted Tibby thinks with his tail, as animologists maintain is true of cats in general, his thoughts must be the deepest and most loving in pristine Catdom. Why he isn't on the front cover of VANITY FUR is a bloody British shame.

But cats of any breed are known to be as playful as loving. Currently, Tibby is giving the people-mom whom he adores and permits to share his dwelling a merry chase across the driveway to a little old lady who longs to communicate with him. His people-mom calls the little old lady Hey-You or Aileen. Everyone calls his beloved people-mom Barbi. I sense no multiple meanings in Aileen or Barbi, but what about Tibby's intermittent glances in my direction? His attention to me does indeed resemble a chase!

Eons ago, when I was a little young lady teaching at Clayton High in St. Louis County, Chase was the name of an expensive hotel in St. Louis. A chase may also be a mail truck, or an ambulance. I was born and brought up in a funeral home, and in my day, ambulance chasers were the bane of my father's existence.

A chaser can also be a drink containing alcohol, as even teetotalers know, and most people and cats are aware that hunters chase wild and tame animals for sport or food. Humans also chase others of their species, to catch a mate for marriage or whatever. Cats chase people for a mate to love and take care of them, but Tibby didn't have to chase. Gentle Barbi knew Tibby belonged to her, and she to him, at first sight. It was love at first sight for both of them.

At this writing, however, Tibby is suffering ego pangs and loss of appetite over being unable to catch two delicious-looking redbirds of opposite sex. They never arrive together, but both perch on the railing just outside Tibby's north window, and Tibby tries every which way to catch one or the other of them for his dinner. Alas, the heavy window will not move for him no matter how hard he tries, for Tibby is no longer young, and he can only lick his tiny chin hungrily and keep on wondering.

Are the gorgeous cardinals courting, I wonder with Tibby. Playing the game their Humans have played since the beginning of time? With the glass of the window for protection, the two love birds may never have seen the hungry yet elegant cat. Birds are said to see better than people, but lovebirds have eyes only for each other, be they Cat or Human.

Poor Tibby! After watching the cardinals' every move and their get-away flights as far as his aging eyes can see, he turns to me for my always-sympathetic response. I wave to him and toss kisses of comfort, and pray my understanding soothes his aching heart.

How I long to understand all the people-language Tibby learns from Barbi, and all the feline symbols she learns from him. Does Tibby understand we consider him a Wonder-Cat?

His true-love, Barbi, has written a delightful little skit about cats and their human caregivers titled "Tibby's Tips on How to Help Your Human." One tip that concerns people-writers is too pertinent not to share with readers: "Improve her penmanship by slapping her pen while she's writing."

Much as I appreciate Tibby's playful Tip, I don't need any help in making my penmanship or typemanship look as if it has had Tibby's "help." But our beloved Wonder-Cat no longer has me wondering. I note that he was careful not to slap the artistic paw-prints that Barbi has so lovingly scattered throughout the text.

Never tell a people-writer that people-cats can't read!

Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.