LEND ME YOUR EAR: MISUES OF `DO' SPREADS LIKE AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE

One of the most overworked words in the English language is "do." Overworked, and often misused. Years ago, I titled a column "Don't do oatmeal -- eat it." But the Quaker Oats TV announcers kept insisting that we "do" their oatmeal. By this time, everyone was "doing lunch" instead of eating it, and the misconception was fast turning into an infectious disease affecting all other areas of life and living.

Today, the misuse seems entrenched in our language. Even in school publications, young hopefuls write about the activities they are "doing," and "doing" pager-speak to outwit their parents and teachers. Mature writers who care about language, however, continue to avoid the construction, and it still gives me the willies. Thank you, James Kilpatrick, for "willies." Having the willies is safer than climbing walls, and less demeaning than going bonkers. Unfortunately, getting the willies has done nothing to help us stamp out the offense.

During a televised discussion about the money our government is spending to try to establish peace abroad, one member of the group decried that "building a new government in Bosnia would equate to doing billions of U.S. dollars." I doubt we could build a government in any foreign land as long as our own remains in jeopardy. If, however, we insist on supporting belligerence the world over with money needed at home, let us at least make better use of our native tongue. For greater clarity, try "Forming a new government in Bosnia would cost the U.S. billions of dollars." The simpler the better.

Recently, the national media appeared to consider a special anniversary of "As the World Turns" more newsworthy than forming new governments abroad. In a TV interview covering the main celebration, the creator of the soap was asked, "Did they do praise on you?"

How does one "do praise" on the author of a soap? A friend of mine re-titled this one "As the Stomach Churns," but when I asked a devotee why it was called a soap, she replied there wasn't a dirty word in it.

In a new TV commercial, an insurance form claims it "can do plans for saving your premiums a lot of money." In our book, premiums don't wear pockets or carry wallets, and the money comes from your pocket or mine.

Broadcasters, a news magazine states, are "doing negativism over the air about each other." For all I know, someone may be accusing me this instant of doing negativism about the mistakes of others in the use of English, but I have no qualms over doing what is necessary to rectify what offends the ear.

According to a report on establishing term limits for incumbents before the November election, a self-appointed seer predicted that "the committee will do quick approval to this measure." No one is qualified to predict the outcome of controversial issues, nor do literates approve "to" anything. The committee was bound by the laws of usage to approve or disapprove "of" the measure.

Weather conditions are equally unpredictable. Only this morning, a forecaster announced "The temperature is ready to do showers." The temperature changed its mind, which is also typical of human beings. But no one in our field of learning is likely to approve "doing" mistakes, and we still feel it our privilege and duty to "don't" them.

~Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.