LEND ME YOUR EAR: IN REALM OF LANGUAGE, `THE CHOICE ARE YOURS TO MAKE'

Some time has passed since we had a column on nouns that end in the sound of "s," and readers are still concerned about the confusion over "politics" and the distinction between "incidence" and "incidents."

For those who feel the need, the word "politics" denotes a system of government, and is properly construed as singular unless applied to more than one nation. Our own system is far from perfect, but it remains singular in essence as well as construction.

"Incidents" is the plural of "incident", which refers to an event or occurrence. "Incidence" denotes the extent or frequency of an event or occurrence. Regretfully, the incidence of incidents in the misuse of singular words ending in the sound of "s" continues to afflict us.

Two traffic accidents during our recent Memorial Day weekend made headlines for a week or more. At least one TV staffer reported that "one of the accidents were fatal." Were it? A newswriter, explaining that most of the accidents on all holidays are caused by drunk drivers, wrote that "the incidence of accidents on weekend holidays are soaring." By all that's unholy, we agree that it surely are.

At the start of our last Christmas season, an ABC reporter announced that the stores were so full of good Christmas buys, some places stayed open all night. "A crucifix" are kept burning in one store window until morning," he enlarged. Another networker who had combed a gift shop said, "The incense that were on the shelves pervaded the whole shop." We were so taken by this gaffe, we could almost sniff the scent through osmosis.

In a commercial for a major airway, an employee commented via CBS that "the expense of travel today are enormous, and to travel by air are the only way to save money." In 1970, my European travelmate and I found the cheapest way across the ocean was by freighter, and the best way to save money and get the flavor of Europe was to travel by EuRail -- with Arthur Frommer's "EUROPE on $5 A DAY" for bed-and-breakfast guidance. Travel by air is not the way to save money. Are it?

On cable TV, a woman who has made a career of teaching in a school for the handicapped confessed that the exercise part took so much out of her, her "patience were often as exhausted" as her body. Given the same circumstances, however, we would probably pluralize our own patience without a thought to usage.

Also on cable, an employee of a rehabilitation center discussed the advantages and disadvantages of saying Yes or No to drugs and alcohol. Along with a video showing the effects pro and con, she summarized her lesson with, "The choice are yours to make." The teacher was a college graduate. Time was when proper English preceded eighth-grade graduation.

One evening a little while back, a gentleman of noble mien was interviewed on NBC about his new post in an impresssive organization. He concluded his list of qualifications with, "I'm hoping those expertise will be equally helpful in my new position." With all my heart, I hope "those expertise" will effect a change in his community if not his command of the language he has spoken all his life.

Two weeks ago, I met a stranger at the locked door of our neighborhood convenience shop. She was having lace-tail kittens because she was out of bread. "My driver's license are expired," she lamented, "and I can't pass another test."

To comfort her, I replied that I had come for milk, but cereal tasted better with melted ice cream anyway. This reminded the distraught woman she had a cornbread mix on hand, and her gratitude for the inspiration was worth as much to me as the example she had provided for the column I was writing.

For the record, "license" is still singular despite the proliferation of claims to the constitutional right to shoot, kill, steal, destroy property -- even to use foul language.

Our revered Constitution gives me license to convey what I consider acceptable in the realm of language. Fortunately, the choice is still mine to make.

~Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.