LEND ME YOUR EAR: GLOSSALAHOLICS ANONYMUNCULES?

Some weeks ago, our pastor preached an excellent sermon on the evils of the sexual revolution. He suggested it might be better described as the sexual devilution. We considered Pastor Dissen's play on words remarkably apt, and the pun posed no problem in pronunciation.

However, we are sometimes slow to recognize words familiar to us because of a speaker's strange pronunciation. I was not alone in having to think twice when a radio announcer said that a certain athlete had had to forFIT his chance to enter the Winter Olympics and was still suffering from the forFITure. Even small fry used to play games that taught them the word "forfeit." Do their video games no longer require forfeits? They teach getting, but not giving?

An American speaking from Albertville recounted how the Winter skiers in Colorado "wet" his appetite for skiing when he was a child. The correct word was "whetted", the past tense of "whet." "Whet" means to stimulate, not sprinkle. In similar vein, we heard a radio speaker say African slave-owners often "met" out punishment to their slaves. He meant they "meted" out punishment present tense, "mete."

We meet people; we mete out punishment or rewards.

Sonya Friedman, on one of her talk shows, asked a child psychologist, "Do children resent critique?" Perhaps Sonya intended to sound super-trendy in using the synonym for "criticism," but her usage had viewers guessing.

A courageous reporter, female, managed to squeeze into a men's locker room after a big game, and described the scene as "jubulous." Under the circumstances, it may be that "jubulous' was the nearest she could come to "jubilant." Surroundings might have rendered her speechless!

From a male defender of the rights of men who frequent "topless bars," we heard that "When a man goes into a topless bar, he has to pay just to make himself successible." The staunch defender would have been a natural for Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious."

On a political report of candidates in the running, a radio staffer asked another, "To what do they contribute his defeat?" It isn't difficult to contribute to defeat, but the word wanted was "attribute."

Among the many words new to my vocabulary is "copacetic", also spelled "copasetic." American Heritage limits it to slang, meaning satisfactory or okay. Chapman's Dictionary of American Slang adds "cool" to the definitions, and grants it six spellings though only one pronunciation. All dictionaries that list the word agree the origin is unknown.

Dictionaries do not list toxophilite, and when I encountered it in an article about the pursuit of health, I connected it with "toxin" or "toxic." Reading on, I learned a toxophilite is a person hooked on archery, not a drug dealer. Indulging in an outdoor sport is healthful unless we overindulge but fancy such a citified expression for a skill that requires open spaces. On the contrary, words I consider citified, James Kilpatrick terms "out-of-town"!

Anyone out there claim to be an anonymuncule? According to Anita MacBryde's word-a-day calendar, an "anonymuncule" is an anonymous insignificant writer. Not all insignificant writers accept anonymity, however. Talk shows are flooded with writers the world has never heard of. One such is the author of "The Word According to He and She." This lady may need a grammar book worse than a chance to expose her man-woman philosophy, and feminine extremists may demand that the title be changed to "The World According to She and He." Should this occur, it could furnish fodder for the media for a fortnight.

An unguided tour through David Crystal's Cambridge Encyclopedia of Language provided dictionary words easier to pronounce than to understand. "Glossalalic" is pronounced as spelled, but the meanings cover a lot of ground. Most fascinating to me is the one related to speaking in tongues repetitive, as in certain religious chants and poetry, or nonsensical, as in children's literature. Remember Lewis Carroll's famous "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves/Did gyre and gimble in the wabe", from the Alice in Wonderland series?

More than a few of these columns might qualify as glossalalic because of the oft-repeated information concerning grammar and usage, if not pure nonsense in the matter of rules. I'm thinking of nominating myself a glossalaholic anonymuncule. Anyone out there like to join the club? Not even if we shorten it to GLOSSAHOLICS ANON?