LEND ME YOUR EAR: DANCING TO IMPROVE THE ENGLISH OF IMMIGRANTS ONLY?

For readers who expressed a wish to read Effie Leland Wilder's "Over What Hill?," reviewed in our last column, the book will soon be available through the Cape Girardeau Public Library. "Over What Hill?," as our readers learned, is a sequel to "Out to Pasture (But Not Over the Hill)," which is also in our local library unless it has gone the way of sticky-fingered autograph collectors. Both books are autographed by the author and illustrated by Laurie Ellen Klein, whose drawings add much to the narrative.

Readers who would like to own a copy of one or both books may write directly to Mrs. Effie L. Wilder, The Presbyterian Home, CMR 97, Summerville, S.C., 29483. Be sure to send your checks with orders for $14.95 per book, $16.95 autographed.

End of sales pitch. Today we continue our never-ending list of English words and phrases that have been scrambled beyond belief over the air or in print. In a TV interview we heard an alleged psychotherapist call himself a "soakiologist." Is a "soakiologist" someone who soaks up the problems of others and socks it to 'em, or was his pronunciation at fault? He had no difficulty with the rest of his words, no accent, but his serious mien throughout indicated he was not speaking tongue-in-cheek. To be wholly fair, however, perhaps he has a hearing problem.

On Washington Week, a noted political analyst explained that the problems facing Congress are "so disperse" it's hard to predict the future. We assumed he meant "diverse," used herein as an adjective. To "disperse" means to scatter -- a verb; "diverse" means having a variety in form. Little excuse for this blunder.

Also on Washington Week, we heard "undecidedness" for "indecisiveness." No big deal, but the former is not in our dictionaries, nor does it improve the sound. Nor do "accurated" for "activated," "attackted" for "attacked," "allevicated" for "alleviated," or "frailaties" for "frailties," to name only a few.

In an article about bi-lingual education, we read that dancing, because of its twists and turns, is one way of improving the English of immigrants. Dancing, according to one participant, is multi-cultural. But in Mexico City, the macarena is now running second to "conjunto," which is said to be more popular because it is "very bi-lingual." Anyone out there understand this connection?

Actress-scholar Sarah Vorhees, describing the world-wide interest in Shakespeare's plays, invites her audiences to "take a look at he and the modern version of "Richard III." If you had a son who asked to go to the play, would you let he go?

This offense against the use of personal pronouns is all but universal. On Ed Bradley's segment of CBS shortly before our 1996 presidential election, we noted: "When you look at this picture of you and he, what do you see?" The picture was of Senator Dole and a supporter. Never mind what the supporter saw. I saw a first-person pronoun serving as the object of a preposition, another misuse that belongs in Never-Never Land.

Yet another miscue in the use of personal pronouns cropped up among the pols on Capitol Hill: "I don't know who's more excited, him or me." Do you allow "him" or "me" to serve as the subject of a verb? Is him excited? Is me excited? Not in my court!

Our world is also fraught with speakers and writers who appear never to have learned how to compare adjectives. Immediately following the November election, a top-flight networker announced to the world that everyone knew Clinton was "the most likeliest" to win. For readers who may have missed out on this elementary-school bit of grammar, "likely/more likely/most likely" -- or "likely/likelier/likeliest" -- are required. "Most likeliest" is obviously twice redundant.

The adjective "national" also suffers from what we call the "ly syndrome," as do numerous other adjectives. According to hearsay, the people of northern Maine have a "widely respect for The Town Fair." A world-class musician says he "feels closely" to his family. A political commentator on CNN pointed out that we have to be "fully participants in Bosnia."

Will everyone in favor of dancing as the best way to improve the English of the English-speaking population of America please raise your multi-cultural hand?

~Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.