Leaving home

Leaving home can be one of the most difficult transitions you'll ever make. Turning away from surroundings and people you love often brings fear, loneliness and a sense of loss. How does one deal with this separation?

Even though interacting with new people and environments and making a fresh start is appealing and beneficial, there's a part of you that wants to stay behind. This especially refers to marriage. Genesis 2:20-24 talks about Adam and Eve and advises that "man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife."

Leaving home can mean many things. The empty nest syndrome is common among parents when children leave home. Most parents believe they will relish the opportunity to enjoy freedom again after spending numerous years rearing children. But parents sometimes feel a void and become nostalgic. Just like their children, parents are searching again to find their new niche in life, wondering what their future holds.

I was delighted to leave home at the age of 19 to begin my vocation as a wife. I envisioned a dreamlike existence — one where I would never be alone again. My life as a married woman has, for sure, proven to be a gift to me. However, after the awe and excitement of being a new bride and then seeing things settling into ordinariness, I found there were parts of my life at home I actually missed. Now, I faced responsibilities to two families — mine and my husband's. When we began life together, I helped manage a business we owned. Because of the obligations incurred by marriage, I had to realize I was no longer a permanent resident at Mom and Dad's. When my siblings came to see my parents and everyone sat on Mom's front porch swing and visited, I felt a sense of loss. I was left out of the circle.

When children leave home they sometimes worry excessively about their parents. Perhaps Mom and Dad are undergoing hardships. It's hard to distance yourself and remember you have your own life to live, because you remember the Ten Commandments telling you to "Honor your father and your mother."

If you're married there's the question of which family you're going to spend the holidays or other celebrations with. If you belong to different churches, areas there must be addressed, too. A couple's family loyalties can get in the way, complicating decisions that need to be made.

Having students leave to attend college can be especially agonizing. Although children can scarcely wait to try their wings, when they begin their new lives, family phone calls and/or e-mails are numerous. As the child gains confidence, communication ebbs. Many students genuinely desire to attain an education, but some can't wait to return home on the weekends to hang out and be a part of family again. Staying connected keeps you grounded. It allows you to feel included in what's going on at home even though you're physically absent. It's tough to leave the comforting, familiar roots of home. But without seeking new avenues, meeting new people and experiencing different surroundings, growth is impossible.

The leaving-home scenario can be as common as leaving a job you've gotten used to. You suffer that same sort of nostalgia, sadness and loneliness. Even though what's ahead fulfills a hope, a part of you stays behind for a while. The song "There's No Place Like Home" holds truee. St. Augustine added further credibility when he stated, "Our hearts are restless Lord until they rest in you." We are constantly on the move our whole lives to get back home — back home to Christ.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.