Just say no

By Rennie Phillips

Probably one of the hardest things for most people to say is "No!" When you come to a real worker, not some wannabe couch potato, and ask if they will help the way most respond is, "Sure I'll help." And this is true even if they are super busy and they don't have the time. Somehow they will find the time and volunteer.

Dorothy Dees just retired from working at the food pantry here in Scott City recently and she will be missed. When we first moved here, Marge and I got to know Dorothy and Avery. Good people. They had a mess of kids and all of them were good hearted. I believe all of them would have taken their shirt off if you needed it. Dorothy has worked tirelessly at the food pantry here in town helping where she could. But Dorothy had a hard time saying no, so she was busy. Too busy for someone who is 85 years young.

But this plague is true for all of us. I've been fuller than a tick on a dog and didn't have room for one more bite and someone asks how about some ice cream and immediately "Why sure" pops out. There's always room for ice cream. Sure don't want to hurt their feelings. Should have said "No thanks." After a full meal someone asks if you want another bite of such and such and they say there is only two bites left and we say "Why sure" and we make room. Dumb to say the least.

Years ago a carload of us boys piled into a car and headed down the road. It turned into a race and the last time I looked at the speedometer it read 120 plus some. I thought how dumb can you be. I should have said no but out of pressure I just went along. Dumb.

So how can we teach our kids to say no? Well some things we do are kind of counterproductive. We pile stuff on their plates and then we force them to eat it. No real choice. What if we had such and such for supper and that's all. And we give them the choice of yes I'll try or no I'll skip it. Eat it or go hungry. That's the choice. Not a "you will eat it no matter what" but give them a choice. Eat up or go to bed hungry. James Dobson years ago said one of the best things we could do for our kids was to give them an allowance and then let them spend it. To make unwise stupid decisions by saying yes I'll buy or spend but also the choice to say no I'll save or keep the money. Teach them that no means no and not maybe or kind of or later or we'll see. No means no!

It's hard telling a friend no when they dearly want a yes from us, but there are times when a no is appropriate. A neighbor of ours has a piece of equipment that is really handy and useful. I was visiting with him one day when a friend of both of us asked to borrow it. My neighbor said no I don't loan it out. No hem hawing around it was a definite no. He could have felt forced into saying yes when he wanted to say no. But at the time no was the right answer and no is still the right answer. I don't loan out certain stuff of mine so if you can't take a no for an answer then don't ask.

A load of friends want to go out for supper and then do some bar hopping and partying. A yes will get you into the whole deal. Just going because they are friends will get you in the whole deal. This is one of those cases when no answer is a yes answer. Just being there and taking part means yes. If something happens, which you aren't real proud about, you are as guilty as all the rest because you were there. Just say no.

Years ago someone I know was in a vehicle and the group got stopped by a police officer. They had an open container of beer in the car so the officer ran their names. All but one came back as minors. Don't know if it should have happened but all the minors ended up getting tickets for minor in possession. Just by being there, they all said yes to possessing alcohol. Been smarter to have said no I think I'll stay home on this one. Might have been smarter if they'd simply said I'll walk. Sometimes we say yes by just being there.

One way we say no or yes is by our lifestyle. If we lead an exemplary lifestyle which doesn't include drinking and such, then most of the time those we know won't even consider inviting us when considering a night on the town. A party pooper normally isn't invited to a night of drinking on the town. However if our lifestyle includes drinking and carousing around, then we will by all means be invited to the party. How we live will speak volumes to those around us.

Somehow we need to gain enough wisdom to discern the difference between good and right and bad and wrong, and to react accordingly. Say yes to the good and right and no to the bad and wrong. We also need to realize that we aren't going to be 100 percent correct all the time, no matter how wise and smart you think you are. Leave a little wiggle room to admit you're wrong, right the wrong and then go on. Oh yeah, try not to make the same wrong twice or three times or more.