JOY ALONG THE WAY: SHOPPING: OLD STYLE, NEW STYLE

I miss the old days when I could call Vandeven's, Fischer's or Werner's, give them my no-minimum grocery order and have it delivered later in the day. Only now in these hectic shopping days do I realize how nice it was. No searching up and down the crowded parking lot for a place to squeeze in your car. No long walk in the rain or biting cold to the entrance. No standing in check-out line for long moments before you get through, with someone right behind you, no doubt wishing you were more facile at opening your purse zipper and fishing out wallet or checkbook with check cashing card or cash itself. Even though you're asked if you need help getting things to your car, you seldom request it. If the bagging people have to stop to help you out, the system slows and there would be a traffic back-up of waiting-to-be-checked-out, filled carts. Short tempers. Cross people.

When ordering by phone you could describe to the butcher just exactly how many spareribs you wanted and how much meat you wanted left on the bones, and would he throw in a little suet, chicken fat or ham bone?

Housewives learned to call in their order early in the day. It would give them time to call in again for something forgotten on the first or even second order. Maybe even third.

"George, you better make that a five-pound roast instead of three."

"You got company coming?"

"Yeah. My cousins are driving down from St. Louis."

"How are Jim and Joe? Haven't seen them for a long time."

"Jim's all right, but Joe slipped and fell last week. No broken bones though. And you'd better make that two heads of lettuce."

"On the ice?"

"Ice? No just regular room temperature lettuce."

"No, I mean did he slip on the ice?"

"Oh, no, he missed the last step on his staircase and fell right face forward."

"Tell Joe I'm surely sorry. Say, we got some nice cabbages in this morning."

"Well, bring me one. If I'm not home when you come, just put things on the kitchen table and bring change for the $10 bill under the sugar bowl. And don't let the cat out."

No more, no more, no more. Cities must grow, mustn't they? So there'll be a bigger tax base to provide better streets, more fire and police protection so bigger stores will be attracted to come?

But, change is coming! We're going to get back to those home shopping days. Well, not exactly. It won't be so chatty and home-towny. It will require a computer hook up. You go up and down and across the keys of the computer, punching in the things you want -- one pound of Colombian coffee, six Sunkist oranges, a bunch of asparagus, etc. At the store, clerks will go up and down the aisles with your list in hand. Sometime during the day your groceries will be delivered. Honest, I heard it on TV. It is coming. Get ready.

I wonder if there will be devices on the computer to say, "Now, about that asparagus. I don't want any limp stalks that are edible only half way down. And look at the milk expiration date and bring me the very freshest. My cousin is coming up from Louisville and he can't abide milk that is aging. And no oranges with soft spots either."

So, away with those stacked, hard-to-loosen, noisy, metal carts. Free up the parking lots for something else. No, wait. There's got to be hundreds of delivery trucks parked somewhere. Unless, unless, you don't suppose there'll be an electronic delivery system, do you? It can't be done, can it? Underground or overhead? I'll have to tune in to the Information Super Highway to see what they have in store for me, or rather out of store into my home.

Maybe some day there will be nostalgia for shopping the present-day way where you meet people, discuss whether the purple potatoes are any better than the others or what do you do with those black banana-looking things?

REJOICE!

Jean Bell Mosely is an author and longtime columnist for the Southeast Missourian.