JAMES KILPATRICK'S NEW BOOK, `FINE PRINT,' GIVES REFLECTIONS ON `WRITER'S ART'

The long-awaited book was hand-delivered to me on Oct. 16, three days after the publication date. My waning attention-span leaped to an all-time high at the instant, and I've noticed no downturn since.

Even the soft white cover betokens style. Never mind the hidden redundancy in "It's here!" James Kilpatrick sensed my joy would equal his as soon as I held his brainchild in my arms. I held it close, and turned my head so the tear would miss the child.

FINE PRINT is Kilpatrick's third book on writing. THE WRITER'S ART, based on his delightful weekly columns of the same title, appeared in 1984, THE EAR IS HUMAN in 1986. The author deemed the latter "a little piece of fluff," but I found it helpful and inspiring, and a peck of fun to read.

THE WRITER'S ART remains a treasure, but FINE PRINT outscores it, though I'd be loath to trade either for the OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY in print I could read. In the new book, Kilpatrick states modestly that he writes "for high school graduates in their most lucid moments." He also writes for knowledgeable literates, his fellow experts and pundits, and for everyone who has access to THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER DICTIONARY OF ENGLISH USAGE. His assessments on proper usage extend this weighty work by a number of pages.

"The art lies in stringing the right words together," he writes in his Reflections on the Writing Art. But the first thing needful for the writer who aspires to something beyond business and personal letters and news reports is to love writing for its own sake. Kilpatrick's love is conveyed in the stardust sprinkled like colored sugar on Christmas cookies through everything he writes.

After love comes clarity, he continues, after clarity, cadence, though clarity requires mastery of all the tools of the trade. Grammar, spelling, vocabulary, the rules covering syntax -- all are crucial. Essential, as well, are good dictionaries and books on language. Kilpatrick's list, categorized and annotated, covers seven pages.

On the subject of grammar, Kilpatrick asks why it is wrong to say, as a certain scribe wrote, "Counterparts has their rules and regulations." "For the same reason it is wrong to wear a bikini to mass," is Kilpatrick's colorful reply.

Special hazards, he cautions, are attempting dialect unless we have lived with it, tossing foreign phrases around carelessly, and coining words unnecessarily. How do you like "obnoxed" as a verb? "Englishing"? The author entertains us with countless Horrid Examples in every field of writing. Unfortunately, we must count what can be included in a review.

To write well -- really well -- our wordmaster advises us to attempt figures of speech regardless of how time-consuming this can be. He laments his own failed efforts to describe what Walter Mondale looked like when they traveled together during Mondale's 1984 presidential campaign. "We want our similes wrapped up as snugly as a pimiento in an olive," he writes, "but sentences resist our embrace."

Concerning metaphors, Kilpatrick advises us to take care that they don't turn in to "metamixes" or "metabors". He holds forth at some length on alliteration and allusions, urging us to set limits on both. And he stresses the need for humor though he swears he has never learned how to be funny. I chuckled and chortled my way through most of FINE PRINT, and wrote "use" in margins so often I feel obliged to sacrifice most of the "uses" lest editors find they must do it for me. Let me share just a few of the many irresistible examples.

From United Press International: "Perched on a white divan in her airy, sunny Benedict Canyon Home, Jacqueline's smoky eyes were thoughtful as she contemplated the role of Anna." Kilpatrick suggests "We should leave Jacqueline, and not her smoky eyes, perched on that white divan."

From Associated Press: "Towers admitted to breaking his wedding vows during his confirmation hearings." Kilpatrick leaves this to our "remedial hands, with a prayer "that our editing will rescue Towers and others "from the critical avalanche that would otherwise befall them."

In a classified ad in Amarillo, Texas, a business firm offered for sale an "adjustable kid's drafting table." The author says "It would be nice to have adjustable kids." (Kilpatrick has abandoned "kids" for children, boys and girls, young people, or young adults, but he quotes correctly. The only "kids" I recognize are on the streets or in correction schools or prisons.)

Like most writers addicted to plays on words, our funmaster cannot resist puns, even urging budding writers so minded to cultivate the trick. In his extensive package of crotchets, his and ours, he risks a doozy to tickle the fancy of well-schooled literates despite his advice to adapt our words to the educational level of our readers. In a discussion pertaining to the bones in the human body, he explains that "Writers must be careful about anatomical terminology. For example, the big pelvic bone is known as the Ilium on one side and the Odyssey on the other."

If you are among the aspiring writers who have never heard of Homer's "Iliad" and "Odyssey", get busy! Kilpatrick's first advice to all would be's is to read voraciously and write incessantly.

Clothed in his metaphoric garb, the prosemaster describes more than one side of a former president of the United States: "Lyndon Johnson was capable of impeccable grammar on state occasions. On other occasions, when the cactus juice was flowing, he spoke barroom Texan... When he was in his molasses mode, seeking to pour syrup on a waffling senator, he spoke as if he had a plum in his mouth."

"Writing humor is the most difficult of all the prose arts," Kilpatrick affirms. "When it falls flat, it falls flatter than a crepe suzette... But when a funny piece comes off, it flies as close to heaven as a writer is likely to fly on earth."

Returning to earth, Kilpatrick writes that "The writer with a simile is cousin to the wood carver." Like the wood carver, the writer must go with the grain. Then comes the sanding, then rubbing, then polishing."Go for the Good Stuff," he admonishes. "Keep your similes short and you metaphors consistent. Play with words, toss them, feel their weight, rearrange them, see how they fall. Put clarity first...But know that after clarity, the fun begins."

The fun will begin sooner if you read FINE PRINT. Everything you need to know about good writing is there, with a barrel of fun to keep you thinking. To keep you writing. To introduce you to a lover of language you may have met. Her name is Aileen Lorberg, and FINE PRINT is dedicated to her!

If you are curious about what the dedication says, buy the book. Buy it whether or no. The distinctive cover alone will add class to your coffee table. And your guests will learn you CAN judge a book by its cover. With FINE PRINT, you can't miss.