Hurtgen: The value of a friend

I recently had lunch with a fellow pastor and mentor in which we navigated a wide range of topics, eventually settling on a shared need for friendship. Here were two grown men, both with advanced degrees, both living full and stress-filled lives, both saying we need friends.

Sadly, friendships in America are on a downward trajectory. In the past three decades, both men and women have reported having fewer friends. In 2021, 15% of men and 10% of women in America reported having no close friends, compared to 3% of men and less than 1% of women in 1990. The issue is so great the U.S. surgeon general declared loneliness, isolation and lack of connection to be a public health crisis.

We live in an age with greater ease of connection and communication than ever before, yet we are lonelier than we ever have been. The social impact of increasing isolation is uncertain. What is clear is that loneliness and isolation are at an epidemic proportion, which will leave a deep cultural and social scar for generations.

Friendships are critical for a long, healthy and vital life. You need to pursue friendships. Here are three of the plentiful of biblical reasons for friendship.

First, you were created from community for community. When God created man and woman he said, “Let us make man [mankind] in our image, after our likeness,” (Gen. 1:26.) Out of trinitarian community God formed humanity. Ingrained in the fabric of our creation is the need and desire for community.

Second, friendships are the family you choose. The latter portion of Proverbs 18:24 says, “… a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” The family you choose are the people you pursue. Real friends treat you the same when you are at your worst or best. Friendships are cultivated over time, with patience, and for men with activity.

Last but not the end, friends make each other better. “Iron sharpens iron,” Proverbs 27:17 says. The people you yourself with will shape you. Friendships are the unique relationship that can make you better.

Over time, we will see how increasing loneliness unravels our society. But what if there were a wave of men and women who rejected the downgrading of friendships? Imagine what your life would be like if you intentionally sought and built friendships.

Robert Hurtgen is a husband, father, minister and writer. Read more of him at robhurtgen.wordpress.com.