FROM THE PULPIT: THE ORIGINS OF WEDDING TRADITIONS

Do you remember the wonderful old play "Fiddler on the Roof." My favorite scene is when the father of the family, Tevye, becomes upset about all of his daughters choosing to marry for love instead of in the traditional way and he sings the song "Tradition!" Try as hard as he might to keep things the way that they had always been love proved to be too strong to be cast into a mold.

June is the most popular month of the year for marriages. I wonder if you know the origins of some of our most time honored wedding traditions?

The first marriages were by capture. The groom would kidnap the woman and take her away from her tribe with the help of a warrior friend, his "best man," who would help him fight off other warriors who also wanted his bride, he would hold onto her with his left hand, while fighting them off with his sword in his right hand, which is why the bride stands on the left and the groom is on the right.

Although the above was common, marriage by purchase was preferred. Usually the bride would be bartered for land, social status or political alliances. But sometimes she was exchanged for cash.

Arranged marriages were also common where the groom's family told him who he was to marry, and they very rarely let him see the bride because if he didn't like her looks, he may refuse to marry her. Therefore, the father of the bride gave the bride away to the groom, who lifted the veil to see her for the first time.

The white wedding dress was made popular by Anne of Brittany in 1499. Before that, a woman just wore her best dress. In biblical days, blue (not white) represented purity and the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire, hence "something blue."

Tying shoes to the bumper of the car represents the symbolism of power of shoes in ancient times. Egyptians would exchange sandals when the exchanged goods, so when the father of the bride gave his daughter to the groom, he would also give the brides sandals to show that she now belonged to the groom.

In Anglo Saxon times, the groom would tap the heel of the bride's shoe to show his authority over her. In later times, people would throw shoes at the couple, and now we just tie shoes to their car which seems a whole lot more practical to me if not at least safer!

I have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Sacred Cows make the best burgers." To me that means that traditions are sometimes made to be broken. Often we honor old ways just because we have always done it that way before and we don't give any thought to our actions.

Recently our Southern Baptists brothers and sisters in the faith met in convention and one of the actions they took was to make a covenant that clergy would make premarital counseling mandatory for couples who come to them for marriage.

This action places them together with other denominations who want couples to be aware that Christian marriage is blessed to be different and unique.

Some of the most important things for me to discuss with a couple who considers marriage are: 1) Expectations. Because the roles of husbands and wives have changed a lot in contemporary culture it is necessary to spend a good deal of time during the engagement discussing what a husband does and what a wife does. 2) Communications, especially how to fight fair! Conflict is an inevitable part of all human relationships and couples who say "we never argue" need a reality check and some guidelines on disagreeing and staying in love. 3) Family stories. The family that a person grows up in was his/her "family school" where he/she learned all about how to be a family. It is real important to share your family stories.

June was the month that I got married in 19 happy years ago. Thanks to my "Bride" for sharing her life with me and for making some new traditions of our own together.