Forgive unconditionally

To forgive is often difficult to do. It is a much discussed topic, especially within the Christian faith, and other faiths, as well. To refuse to forgive can be a prison, within whose walls, one can never escape. Forgiveness is a many faceted action that is well worth delving into. Often, we fail to realize that we're harboring a grudge or anger inside us, but it's crucial we examine the subject because it can negatively affect both our mental and physical health. We need to know how we forgive before we can work on forgiveness.

Author, Jay Shetty says, in his book "Summary: Think like a monk," there are four main types of forgiveness." One would never realize there is so much depth within the word. Shetty says "Forgiveness starts within, and if we want to live life that is free of negativity, that we must first start with forgiving others." The Author goes on to list the types. "Zero forgiveness is when you refuse to forgive someone no matter what they do or promise. Anger is the source of this type of forgiveness." You are hurt and rejected.

Then there is conditional forgiveness, where you forgive somebody, only if they do something that satisfies you. This may be that the offending party asks for or begs that you forgive them. In other words your forgiveness only occurs if they meet your criteria. This is transactional forgiveness. Shetty calls a type of forgiveness where you forgive someone without expecting anything back, Transformational. It comes from your own goodness.

Then, Shetty says to "Forgive unconditionally. This is when you forgive a person or group regardless of what they did."

I believe to forgive unconditionally is what Jesus exemplified as he taught. Matthew 18:21--22 relates an encounter between Peter and Jesus. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me: Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven."' In other words Jesus meant we are always required to forgive, UNCONDITIONALLY, offering no excuses. Now, to do this, we must swallow our pride, and keep our feelings in check, especially anger. We will have a tendency to feel very vengeful, if we aren't careful.

Becoming bitter and spiteful, in return for our wounded self, merely hurts us, most. We aren't getting even with the person inflicting the injury upon us, because they don't often know we're hurting. The only way to heal our wounds is to forgive the person at fault. Regardless of the degree of pain we've suffered, only unconditional forgiveness will heal.

I talked, recently, with a middle aged woman, Lily. She felt she had been dealt an unfair deck of cards at work. The work-place seems to be a breeding ground for feelings of rejection, unfairness and hurt for some, as well as a stage for success and progress for many others.

The incident at work involved a new employee who had been elevated into a higher-paying position. Lily had been a worker at the institution much longer. Lily quit her position at work because she felt the situation was so unfair. Although she did not say she was emotionally hurt, I could tell. Although she failed to show her feelings in excess, she said, "This wasn't fair. I am so angry. I've been with the institution a lot more years than the one they hired."

I urged Lily to cease to be angry and she was only hurting herself. God possibly has a better goal for her future. Most of all, "Don't hold a grudge," I said. Although Lily's present dilemma is a sad one, she already has plans to pursue another vocation. She needs to pity them for their mistreatment of her and pray, as Jesus did in Luke 23:34. He said "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they're doing." Lily is probably not at the point to wish them well yet, but hopefully, she will find the good contained in the incident. I have learned forgiving people for what they do to us reaps rewards. The perception changes our attitude from one of anger and hurt to one of forgiveness and pity. They can only hurt us, deeply, if we allow them to. When we keep our eyes focused in a forward and positive direction, we know that God is still guiding our lives. Let us forgive unconditionally, rather than attaching parameters before we're able to forgive and love again.