A friend of ours had a dog unexpectedly show up one day. It was a pretty dog that was on the younger side. It was really friendly but a bit timid and standoffish. No one claimed the dog, and it wasn't chipped, so they adopted it. And as our friend got to know the dog it became plain that it had some rough treatment in the past. It has come to trust but not totally. It has come to love but not totally. There seems to be a part of it that remembers the past and as of now still only loves and trusts so far.
Humans are the same. Once we have been burned, there is always that fear of being burned again. When I took a blacksmithing class years ago up by Potosi at Tom Clark's school, it was recommended we not wear gloves and, if we did, to wear cotton gloves and not leather. At that time I didn't wear gloves, but today I pretty much always wear leather gloves. That shield of leather acts as a barrier against stickers and snags and bumps and bruises. Kind of a shield to protect me. We humans have this shield of protection up and running most of the time.
This shield might be a standoffish demeanor. It might be an unfriendly attitude. It might show up in a mean and hateful personality. I think everyone who has been burned has some kind of coping mechanism. Everyone. We bought two Jersey steers back several months ago up by St. Louis and, honestly, the only reason I bought them was because God seemed to be saying to me they will be OK. He seemed to be saying to me, "Go buy them." But after we got them home, both of them had a very distinct distrust of Marge and me. Somewhere down the road they had been mistreated. I don't think they had been abused, but they were treated rough. They didn't trust us.
Marge would daily try to warm them up to her. So every day she would try to pet on them. We switched how we grain them, so now I began to reach out to them. The bigger one who is still little will let me pet him a little. The little younger one wants to be left alone. So we simply keep reaching out and trying.
I've taken a few classes in counseling, and there are numerous ways to counsel those who are hurting. Some models want those hurting to dig up all the hurts and problems and talk about them. It might work and probably does. I like the model that takes you where you are and goes forward. I like the model where one deals with the past and moves forward.
Jack sold you a lemon of a pickup. Forgive Jack and let God deal with Jack. I might remember though and not buy from him again. Betty broke my heart and then left. Forgive her and move on. Let God deal with her. Some church just treated us like garbage. Well it wasn't God's fault, so move on and let God handle it. I guess in all things give God the problem, turn around and move on and upward. I'm not saying it will be easy. The deeper the hurt, the harder it will be and the more tears will be shed. But don't mire in the muck but move on to higher ground. As long as we keep digging up old hurts and junk and garbage, we will never make it to a positive healthy level of living.
Part of healing is to quit blaming someone or something or whatever for our hurts or injuries or problems. There are times when we are justified in seeking restitution, but we need to be careful and not let this blame game ruin our life and our future. If you need to, seek a good counselor. But no matter what, put the blame game to bed and go on to healing and health.
God can be trusted 100%. Turn to Him.
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