Finding life after death

By Ellen Shuck

Life can be wonderful at any stage. Unfortunate situations occur, and so do happy ones. Only you have to determine which outlook will be for you.

Can you turn what most would consider a bad condition into a good one? Will you wallow in self-pity and refuse to go on? Will you continue with joy? Will you lock yourself in a self-made prison?

Maybe you will refuse to continue on, out of a sense of guilt and loyalty to someone. You think it's paying homage to someone if you stop living and keep trying to walk in a deceased person's footsteps. You feel you're being disloyal if you reach out and live as you would like.

You may need to develop some tools to deal with your new state of life -- some new ways to perceive the results of what's happened. Everything happens for a reason, so search within and outward to find what you've learned, or will in the future. You may learn more independence or remember the wisdom an experience or person has taught you. You're forced to survive on your own, and you're amazed at what you can accomplish or what knowledge you have to give. Continue to live.

Janie's husband, John, of many years, died prematurely. The couple lived far out in the country, and their land and residence required much care. Since they lived away from a settlement or town, Janie spent much time alone. Yet, she thought she must hold on to the place. She visited John's grave often, since he was buried in a small cemetery on the land. Janie kept the site immaculately clean and free of weeds and debris.

Janie had never entertained the thought of leaving the location in spite of her loneliness. She enjoyed what companionship she could, as she continued to live on the land -- the place that had belonged to her and John. She had never truly buried him, except physically. Janie wasn't living; she was living as she believed John would like.

Finally, Janie met a man who respected her and saw the futility and danger of her existence. He told her she couldn't stop living because John was gone. He helped her catch up on the farm work and house repairs. As he prepared to leave and go back to his normal life, the man urged her to leave with him and marry him. Although Janie desired to leave her lonely lifestyle, she felt she was betraying John if she gave up the memories and life they had enjoyed. The life Janie was living was all within her mind. She had died with him.

The man gave Janie some advice on his way out, and she listened. "You are betraying John by your dying, too," he said. "Don't give up your life or stop living because he is no longer with you physically. John would not choose that attitude for you. What are you giving to the world by burying yourself?"

Janie was living a past that can never return, except within the eternal world. She stopped growing, and her static existence failed to bring John back to life.

When an important part of life is gone, you have to mourn their loss, then eventually clear your mind and emotions. You have the memories, but you can't live on things past. What's gone is gone, for now at least, so pick up and go on. You have only the present and the future. Remember the beautiful memories and discard the bad, unless you've gained from them.

Most believe in a God or higher power. Christians can know God will show them the way to endure any experience. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you."