Feeling OK about saying 'no'

By Jeff Long

At a local pet supply store the other day, I bought some "healthy diet" food for our elderly cat. Entering my data into the credit card reader, a question popped up on the screen. We've all experienced this. Quite often the question is: "Is $xx.xx the amount you agree to pay?" Or, less frequently: "Do you want cash back?" At this store, the query that popped up surprised me and, if I'm being brutally honest, irritated me a bit: "Do you want to save a homeless pet?"

Well, for heaven's sake. Anybody with a conscience would respond in the affirmative. One of the cats in our home was once homeless, rescued from underneath an abandoned building in Jackson by our daughters. Malnourished and dirty, we nursed the tom back to health and made sure he got good veterinary care. Today, he's a valued member of our family. We've already saved a homeless creature.

The question on the card screen was meant as a come-on, of course. If you answer "yes," the next thing that will crop up will invite the customer to add to your charge through designating money to an animal rescue organization. But the question's wording is unfair. No one likes to be made to feel bad for responding in the negative, especially since you've just patronized the merchant. This is beginning to happen in a number of retail establishments, I've noticed: e.g., "Would you like to add another dollar to your bill to help charity ABC?" No, I would not. My wife and I consider ourselves to be quite charitable and we research the not-for-profits to whom we donate. But you might say, it's only a dollar! Grrrr. I know why businesses do this, and it's a growing trend. This benevolent sense is to be applauded, but please don't ask me a manipulative question!

In Matthew 15 and again in Mark 7, we find Jesus of Nazareth hesitating to help a Canaanite woman -- by definition a Gentile, a non-Jew.

"Have mercy on me," the petitioner cries, "[for] my daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly" (Matthew 15:22). The story tells us Jesus doesn't answer her. Later, the woman approaches Jesus again and repeats the plea. His reply is dismissive. It sounds like no: "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to the dogs" (v. 26).

If preaching on this particular text, I would interpret it as an example of the value of persisting in prayer. Jesus does eventually rewards the woman's faith by healing the child. But don't miss this: He initially said "no" -- twice.

We can't actively care about everything. Years ago, I was listening to a sermon on the radio in which the speaker said: "If we cared about all that crossed our paths, our hearts would burst."

So what do we do?

We prioritize our caring. And when we do, we increase our impact.

Ten years ago, the United Way moved away from the community chest model of support, giving virtually to every legitimate not-for-profit that made a request to an impact model focused on certain priorities.

The United Way found targeting support more narrowly made its gifts more effective.

I can't actively care about everything that crosses my path. I prioritize my caring, and so do you, in the hope and expectation that through an entire community's generosity all worthy charities will be adequately supported.

Somehow I think Jesus could get behind that. He could support a "no," so long as you and I have not forgotten to say "yes" to those things that touch our spirits.