Empathizing with Thomas

When Jesus returns to his apostles in the locked room the first time after his resurrection, Thomas is not there. This throwaway phrase in John 20:26 (NAB) that opens up the story about Jesus' second appearance to the group is so interesting to me: "Now a week later." This phrase invites me into Thomas' experience: he had to wait for a whole week in solitude amidst everyone else's joy, understanding and firsthand experience.

It must have been a week that seemed years long, as he wrestled with his doubt and feelings of being left out and forgotten by Jesus. Maybe he kicked himself for not being present with everyone when it happened, allowing other things he had to do in life take priority over remaining vigilant in prayer. Maybe he felt not holy enough or good enough or important enough. Maybe he thought his future was purposeless, that he was not chosen for great things like the others.

But these were all lies.

Because Jesus comes back a second time a week later, just for Thomas. He tells him, "Bring your hand and put it into my side," (John 20:27, NAB) honoring Thomas' desire for the intimate experience of love Jesus had given to the others.

I wonder -- why did Jesus keep Thomas waiting for a whole week while everyone else had the gratification of a resolute experiential knowledge of the risen Christ? They must have been buzzing with excitement and wonder, talking with each other about God's faithfulness to God's promises, all while Thomas waited, alone, for a moment when he might also get to experience this goodness firsthand. Perhaps he began to lose hope he would ever get to believe something so wonderful for himself.

It seems even more wonderful and intimate, perhaps, that Jesus came back a week later seeking Thomas. That he was willing to come into Thomas' desire for faith and lack of it. That in front of everyone, he would look at Thomas and say, "Touch my wounds. I want you to share in them with me. Let me show you that you and the way you are matter to me, that I take you seriously and honor the desires of your heart."

My friend Katie recently told me that sometimes the Lord waits to do things in our lives until we are ready to believe he can and will, until we are ready to ask for it. She also said, "The Lord returned for you. Even after everything that had happened, he came back."

She is right. Despite the pain and agony Jesus experienced here on earth, he chose to return. For Thomas. For you. For me. To help his friends believe.

Thomas' story is a testament: just because we haven't seen something so glorious happen before in our own lives doesn't mean Jesus is not waiting to show us. What are the things we desire that seem too good for the Lord to do for us? Our God will not be outdone in goodness or kindness. Let us live our "week later" out on the limb of faith, petitioning Jesus for a wonder, allowing him to enter the locked rooms of our hearts to show us the goodness in which we are afraid to believe.