DID YOU EVER WIN A WATERFRONT LOT IN FLORIDA?

Rin-n-ng! Rin-n-ng!

"Hello."

"Is this the home of Jean Mosley?"

"Yes."

"Hello, Jean. How are you today?" Brightly spoken.

"All right." Suspiciously spoken. I glanced at my watch. It was shortly after 6 p.m. when I get such brightly spoken concerns, and most of my real friends who had any reason to be concerned about me had already called.

"Well, that's just fine, Jean?"

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Leah."

"Leah who?"

"Just Leah."

"You seem to know my last name. Why shouldn't I know yours? The only Leah I know about has been long gone. She was one of Jacob's wives who mothered nearly all the Twelve Tribes of Israel."

A small laugh and then, "Well, this isn't about Israel. I'm representing Amalgamated Conglomeraters Entrepreneurism."

"ACE, huh?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, Leah, you know all about acronyms, don't you? If you don't, when you're reading newspapers, you better pay attention to the first paragraph, else time you get down to the tenth or twelfth paragraph you'll run into HABK, DOGV, VOXY, etc. and you'll wonder what you're reading about. You have to go way back up to that first paragraph to get oriented.

"Jean, is there someone else there I could talk to? Your husband, maybe?"

"No."

"You're a widow?"

"I didn't say that. I said there was no one else here to talk to."

"You live alone?"

"Not. I judge there are at least five spiders in the basement according to the webs that appear from time to time. Last week a bird somehow got into the upstairs. Broke a vase before I ever got it out. Had an awful time getting a window up so he could fly out, but I've got good sturdy windows and I've a brick house so I don't need aluminum siding and I'm insured up to here.

"How long have you lived in your home, Jean?"

"Let's get on with it ACE,"

"With what?"

"See what I mean? Let a few words intervene and a person forgets."

"Jean, let's do get to the point. I have some wonderful news for you. Your name has been selected to....."

"Again! Mercy, I cannot begin to tell you how many times my name has been selected. There ought to be some recompense for one's name being selected. Since you must be some kind of entrepreneur as the E stands for, why don't you organize a club of people whose names have been selected?"

"You don't understand, Jean. Your name has been selected to receive something?"

"A Corvette!"

"No. Something better than that, a waterfront piece of property in Florida!"

"Well, goody. It has a beach and I can build a hotel on it?"

"After a few improvements."

"Listen, ACE. You send me a picture of this waterfront property and I'll show it to my lawyer, my financial investor, my congressman, and my friends who will want to come and visit me, and I'll get back to you."

"Oh, Jean. That's so much trouble and no doubt your lawyer and financial adviser would have a fee. I'll tell you what. You send me $500 and we'll block off your property so no one else can touch it and you can come down at your leisure. Doesn't that sound good?"

"Leah, er, ACE, I see that it is time for my TV story. Thank you for helping me pass some time. If you wish to pursue this further write me at: WOTS, Midwest, 00001"

"What's WOTS?"

"Weeding Out The Swindlers."

Bang!

REJOICE!