CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: IT'S SCIENTIFIC: CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS IN FASHION

I was thumbing through one of my favorite women's magazines when I found the news item I've been waiting for much of my life.

Chocolate is a health food!

Well, sort of.

Nestled between stories asking whether or not I dare to get a short haircut (as a matter of fact, I was thinking about letting it grow out) and demanding that I try the new spring makeup look (I'll think about it) I found an item on a study from the Neuroscience Institute of San Diego that says chocolate contains not one, but two, healthful compounds.

One is cannabinoid, which produces feelings of euphoria.

Does that name sound familiar? It may explain the glassy-eyed stare Hershey bars induce in me.

I swear to God, I never inhaled.

Chocolate also contains high levels of antioxidants, which may prevent certain kinds of cancers.

There are other compounds in chocolate which also contribute to feelings of well-being, according to the San Diego study.

This is the way my thinking goes. Stress contributes to certain kinds of cancer. Chocolate relieves stress (except for the kind brought on by worrying about my growing hips) and may help prevent cancer.

Therefore, I should eat more chocolate and just go to the gym more often. Never mind the high fat content and massive quantities of sugar and caffeine.

Logic is not my strong suit. Neither is nutrition. As a matter of fact, neither is that whole gym thing.

I feel about scientists the same way I do about politicians. I like them just fine when they tell me what I want to hear.

When they tell me chocolate is actually a beneficial substance -- thereby giving scientific credence to something billions of persons already knew -- I like scientists.

When they tell me something I don't like -- pizza causes cancer, for instance -- I ignore them.

The key to surviving in a media-based society is to choose your information carefully, I've found.

There's not actually a lot of science to be found in most women's magazines. That's probably why I like them so much.

There are, however, lots of ads, which is fine. The full-page glossy ad in the $2.50 magazine is probably as close as I'll ever get to the $900 pair of pumps deemed the "must-have" item of the season.

I'd be afraid to wear a $900 pair of pumps. I'd have to get my feet upgraded, sort of like wearing your best suit to fly first-class.

Chocolate and fashion magazines, in my book, are two of the truly wonderful things about being a girl.

The great thing about fashion magazines is they have no bearing whatsoever on real life. Some of them have very little bearing on fashion, as a matter of fact, which is also helpful, because I don't have the time or the income for fashion.

But cutesy little articles about why blue nail polish is about to become as dead as the dodo are a nice little escape from reality, which is depressing.

Unless you happen to be especially fond of blue nail polish and entirely too self-absorbed to have even a nodding acquaintance with the war zones of the week.

On the other hand, being able to name the war zones of the week is what usually sends me in search of chocolate and/or fashion magazines in the first place.

Now if I just knew what to do with all this blue nail polish.

Peggy O'Farrell is copy editor for the Southeast Missourian.