CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: EXISTENCE OF LIFE ON MARS IS NO ALIEN CONCEPT

A long time ago on a planet far, far away...

Three billion years ago or so, there might have been life on Mars.

Nothing spectacular, nothing capable of building malls or starting wars, but something more than barren rock.

NASA scientists are speculating that traces of what looks like fossilized bacteria on meteorite bits show microscopic life must have existed on the Red Planet eons ago.

Imagine the possibilities.

If microscopic life existed on Mars, could something more complex have developed? And what happened to it?

And could what happened to it happen to us?

Don't beam me up, yet, Scotty; things are getting interesting.

Of course, experts of all sizes and stripes are hotly debating and disputing NASA's theories. Oh, and by the way, there's an election in a few months, and the incumbent's pledging time and money for Martian research.

But still, life on Mars. Proof that we're not alone, or unique, in the universe.

It opens up, hypothetically, at least, a whole new world.

Of course, there's a long way to go before NASA scientists' speculations are given too much credence. And in the meantime, several missions to Mars are in the works.

I once knew a man who was convinced that the Apollo moon landing never happened.

It was all faked on a Hollywood sound stage somewhere to distract the people from The Truth, he said.

He was probably still convinced in his heart of hearts, Charlie was, that the sun orbits around the Earth.

Charlie's no longer with us, or he'd be screaming bloody murder right about now.

And he might have a point. If The Government were sufficiently organized (and sufficiently competent), the false possibility of life on another planet might just be a pretty good distraction from the trials and tribulations of life on this planet.

If this were a movie, scientists would discover a fossilized microscopic intelligence bent on malevolence.

Oh my God, it's BOB DOLE!

If this were a Star Trek episode, the Enterprise would be benevolently orbiting far overhead as scientists on the planet below made the miraculous (but obvious) discovery that they're not alone.

If this were the X-Files, scientists would be discovering the possibility of microscopic life on Mars just as a Government-sanctioned alien takeover of Earth was about to be completed.

That's the trouble with basing your view of the cosmos on the Fox Network; there's no happy medium.

Look, Heather Locklear's leading the first manned mission to Mars!

She's the one in the spacesuit with the mini skirt.

I think we've always been ambivalent about extraterrestrial life. It can't be TOO alien, and it can't be hostile. ET should look pretty much like us.

OK, it can be green and have weird ears or a forehead ridge, but no telescoping, acid-dripping fangs like that thing in "Alien."

ET should also have our best interests at heart. Our best interests don't include being invaded or eaten.

But before we start speculating about alliances or invasions, scientists have to finish exploring the possibilities surrounding little green microbes.

Live long and prosper.

~Peggy O'Farrell is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.