CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: A WHOLE-LIFE MAKEOVER: REBUILDING SELF-ESTEEM, IMAGE

My friend Tina has decided to become a blonde.

Tina, like me, has very dark brown hair with a few gray strands blended in for good measure.

Tina's gray can be attributed to her two kids. Mine, I think, is a pre-emptive strike. I'm just worrying in advance.

Tina is undergoing a whole-life makeover. She's got a new house and a new job. Now she needs new hair.

"I'm trading myself in for a younger model," she told me.

Having decided it's time for a radical change, Tina is seeking to convert others to her cause. Kind of like an ex-smoker handing out nicotine patches.

New hair, new image, new life.

Specifically, mine.

"You could use a little work," she told me. "But who couldn't?"

If I had any self-esteem left, Tina might have shattered it. But I'm made of sterner stuff.

My buddy Jana, the Queen of the Higher Self, says image is an illusion.

"If you're a good person on the inside, the truth will shine through to the exterior," Jana said. "The truth illuminates the soul."

One thing I've learned is that natural light can be highly unflattering.

On the other hand, my friend Sondra, the Queen of Higher Maintenance, says it's all in the marketing.

"Men buy Porsches because of the packaging. They may look like bathtubs, but they're Porsches," she said. "That's how you have to think of yourself! You're a Porsche!"

We'll ignore, for now, the fact that I feel more like a nice sports sedan, a Ford or Chevy or GM, maybe a little boxy around the edges, but very reliable.

And let's not forget the great sense of humor.

I'm a Porsche. I'm really a very expensive sports car that spends 75 percent of its lifetime in the shop and stalls if you look at it funny.

And I look like a bathtub.

Does everyone feel better now? Yup, I thought so.

Self-image is a tricky thing. We want to be ourselves -- noble, sterling creatures that we are -- but look really good while we're doing it.

In addition to that tiny little voice of conscience that tells us to give to the poor, stop at red lights and generally be good people, there's that little voice that sounds just like your mother telling you to stand up straight, comb your hair, put on some lipstick.

And would it kill you to smile once in a while?

I hear that voice a lot.

I've often thought I need to be a better person: More considerate, more patient, generally nicer.

I've also often thought I need a makeover of the physical sort.

I've never really considered becoming a blonde -- personally, I'd prefer flowing auburn locks -- but I have on occasion thought of migrating some place where "child-bearing hips" is a compliment.

The passport photo could be a problem.

Just keep an eye out for the chubby redhead with the lipstick.

Peggy O'Farrell is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian