CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: A FEW MODEST PROPOSALS FOR TUESDAY'S ELECTIONS

It's almost over! It's almost over! It's almost over!

Well, the end is in sight. Tomorrow's the big day. After all the hoopla and hollering and nasty campaign commercials, the polls will open, the polls will close and democracy (read: PACs, special-interest groups and the guy with the biggest advertising budget) will have had its way with us once again.

I'm pumped for this election. How 'bout you?

People will be watching for results in several races. We're getting a new face in Congress after many years. The Secretary of State's race has gotten ugly. The minimum-wage hike is on the ballot.

Oh, yeah, and there's a presidential seat up for grabs.

Whe-ere's the outrage? By Wednesday morning, it'll probably be at Bob Dole's house.

Personally, I'll be very happy when it's all over. I'm tired of campaign ads and accusations and allegations and campaign stops and stumping and sound bites.

What it really boils down to this year is I'm tired of politics. I'd like to see a candidate exhibit a little leadership.

Of course, Adolf Hitler was a heck of a leader, right?

At this point, the major issue for me is when the whole mess will end, at least until the next go-round.

But I have enjoyed watching our political writer, Mark Bliss, dig his way out of a mound of candidate faxes every day.

There's always a silver lining.

In the spirit of the election, I have a few ballot proposals of my own.

*The American Voter Protection Act

To keep voters from being overwhelmed by rhetoric, bushwah and outright lying during election years, candidates are limited to one print and one electronic (radio or television) advertisement per day, and during public appearances, may only pontificate in response to direct questions.

Candidates are also required to actually answer those questions, in 100 words or less.

*The American Space Exploration Act

In the interest of expanding America's space program, funding will be allocated annually for the construction of a Mars space station. Any political candidate who fails to comply with the Voter Protection Act (see above) will be shipped off to said space station for a period equal to at least one term in the U.S. Senate.

*The Truth in Campaigning Act

It'll never happen, so why bother?

*The Voters' Freedom of Expression Act

Section 1. if you don't vote, don't kvetch (they won't let me use the Anglo-Saxon version) about who wins.

Section 2. Voters are protected from undue influence by special-interest groups, unions, coalitions, publications, ladies' sodalities and anybody else who feels obligated to endorse a candidate. We're grown-ups. Let's think for ourselves.

Section 3. Gloating when your candidate wins is protected under the First Amendment.

Happy days are here again, the skies above are clear again....

~Peggy O'Farrell is a copy editor for the Southeast Missourian.