Compromise, but not on essentials

By Rennie Phillips

Read a book a couple years ago on the subject of compromise. Good book. It talked about the art of making a deal through compromise. Nothing new to someone growing up in the country. Dad dickered on everything and I mean everything. Cattle and horses and cars and feed and the list goes on. When Dad decided to get a new car one could figure on it taking awhile. This wasn't no "walk in we'll take it" kind of deal. Offer and counter off followed by more of the same. But then both knew what to expect and both enjoyed the trading. And when it was all said and done both of them knew pretty much what the final price would be from the beginning. But one has to dicker!

A friend of mine, Lendy, wasn't much on dickering. Lendy would say this is what I want and that was what he wanted. Or he'd say I'll give such and such and that was that. Matter of fact it made him mad if you tried to dicker with him. He didn't like that.

I do at times. Went in a store a while back and needed like 20 hinges. So I found the hinges I needed and asked what they would sell me 20 hinges for. The guy at the store was shocked I'd even ask about a discount. I guess I figured if one sold for X amount 20 would be cheaper. They weren't. Full price for all 20. Bummer. I thought if I could get them a little cheaper I'd go ahead and order all 20 hinges instead of shopping for a better price.

I have customers come to the Farmer's Market and they'll want to dicker. Some will ask if I'd take such and such for a whole box. Sold a whole tray of tomato plants a couple years ago like this. Probably almost 50 plants to the tray. I will have individuals come by and want a bargain. So I'll set out some veggies that are bruised and seconds and then they'll offer such and such and I'll say has to be such and such. I think it's fun. Makes the day go by quicker.

We watch some programs on TV where couples or families are looking to buy some new property. The prospective buyer looks the property over and finds out the asking price or the price the seller is wanting to get. Now the prospective buyer comes up with a figure that they believe is a fair asking price so they make an offer on the house or property. Seller and buyer have both put forth their offers and now it's time to do something. Seller can decline the offer and make an offer to sell for such and such, but buyer can do the same. Compromise happens when they meet in the middle where it's fair for both parties.

Still remember the horse traders back in Nebraska. They'd go around and buys horses to resell to someone else. Normally the horses had some problem of some sort, like maybe being lame or bronky or skittish and so on. It was a kind of buy at your own risk. Kind of like buying a used car when you buy it "as is." Some of the horses turned out to be a gem in disguise while some were just the opposite. But the whole idea was, when a horse trader showed up with a horse, it was time to dicker on a price. Eventually a compromise would be reached and the horse was yours; good or bad, it was yours.

When we go out for a meal we both have our favorites. There are times when it's a $5 special at Dairy Queen. Or a coupon special at McD's or Burger King or Long John's and so on. We talk about what we want and then decide on a place that fits both of us. There are times when we go towards what I like and times when we go towards what Marge likes. But that's compromise. And there are times when we are super hungry and it's time for a buffet.

When I started to look for a pickup back in 2010, it was basically my choice. Marge didn't really care what kind or even the extras -- instead she left it up to me. But even this was a compromise. She let me pick out what I wanted. And for me I didn't really care about the color. What I wanted was a 4-wheel drive, the least amount of options possible and decent mileage at a decent price. I think we ended up with just what the doctor ordered. Our pickup has been a good one. It was still a compromise.

Compromise is essential in personal relationships. I've been around some who simply won't compromise. They simply won't bend. But it ends up being a one sided relationship. Relationships take compromise or give and take. And basically that is what compromise is -- give and take.

Mom and Dad did a lot of compromising. Mom had her way of doing stuff and Dad had his own way. There we times when it was kind of intense at home but it always seemed like they would work it out. Dad would decide to go fishing up at Three Corners north of Hyannis. Mom couldn't fish there but she would go along and sit in the car. Can't remember a single time when Dad went without Mom. But Dad went to events Mom wanted to go to. He didn't enjoy them but he still went. Compromise. I know they really loved each other but it was well oiled with compromise.

Compromise on most everything except the really important things in life. There are some key values that one can't compromise on. Being true to one's spouse. Keeping Christ at the top of your list. Loving your kids enough to know when to say yes and when to say no. Making time for your friends including your spouse. You can fill in the rest. Don't compromise even a little on these essentials of life.