CLICK & DOUBLE CLICK: WHEN IT COMES TO VIRTUAL PETS, INTERNET HELPS FROM EGG TO GRAVE (COLUMN 70)

Are you a dog or cat kind-of-person?

At our houses the dogs and cats both beep -- a lot. They are virtual pets, the toys that took the world by storm. No doubt Santa left a lot of them under Christmas trees.

It just makes sense that these computerized pets are popular with computer addicts on the Internet. And there are lots of web pages devoted to the beeping beings.

Joni: I think virtual pets were designed for children who don't want the real responsibility of a pet. If you forget to take care of them, you won't be cited by the city police. Perhaps they do teach some responsibility about taking care of animals, but in real life you can't just restart.

Peggy: The big three are Tamagotchi, Giga Pets and Nanos. There are lots of other brands. You can learn more about taking care of your virtual pet or you can download your very own Internet pet.

Joni: Today let's find out more about the digital doggies and what makes them bark, I mean, beep. Our kids have Giga Pets, so the first stop will be

www.gigapets.com

You arrive at Giga World, complete with a school, mall, pond and a variety of other areas to visit. Let's go to school, where many children get in trouble with the beeping pets.

Peggy: They have a pet of the month to play with at school. This month it's Micro Chimp. There's also virtual pet tips. For example, if you choose to do something wrong with your pet, he will probably refuse to do it.

Joni: The trick is to do the right things at the right time, and all things in moderation. If you feed your pet too many treats, it will get sick and die. Also make sure the pet's clock is set correctly. Playing with the pet at 3 in the afternoon when the pet thinks it's 3 in the morning will make it sick and die.

Peggy: To play with an online Giga Pet, you need Shockwave. By traveling throughout Giga World, you can learn more about the virtual animals. They also encourage web users to develop their own Giga Pet web pages and offer all the artwork in one big Zip file.

Joni: My daughter found a Nano baby in her stocking. What parents like about this is that you can turn the sound off, unlike a real baby. You can learn more about Nanos at

www.nanopals.com

Peggy: In addition to the regular Nano pets, the company has a new talking digital pal that says phrases, like "I'm hungry." You can take a look at the talking Nanos. But, we're going to ask a question of the Nano Nanny.

Joni: The Nanny gives advice for the care and treatment of digital babies. And when your Nano becomes 3 years old, in about 12 days, parents will appear on the screen. And you can get a second baby at that time.

Peggy: The game takes about one month to play successfully. Does the baby graduate from college at that time? If babies or kitties seem a little too tame, try a Nano Fighter. You train 'em. You fight 'em and then in "plug and slug" action you plug one fighter to another and see who will be the champ and who will be the chump.

Joni: Is your Tamagotchi sick? Check out the cybervet at

www.badrise.u-net.com/cybervet.htm

This page tells the birth of virtual pets, the brainchild of an unassuming housewife looking for a diversion for children traveling the trains of Tokyo. She has no children. Since last November, over 30 million have been sold, making it one of the most popular toys in history.

Peggy: "Tamaogo" means egg in Japanese and "tchi" means cute or lovable. Basically, the name translates to lovable egg. It's more than a toy, it's a learning device. It teaches people to care for something. It beeps louder and louder until you give it attention. If you ignore it, the pet will behave badly and recklessly.

Joni: They say that artificial life is a whole new level of human-computer interaction and a step on the way to a time when humans and computers can work together. Sounds like a bad movie plot.

Peggy: But for those of us with a love-hate relationship with our computer, it makes sense that the next level is a way for our computers to love -- and hate -- us right back.

Joni: Back to the cybervet, you fill out a questionnaire, and via e-mail, the cybervet provides advice.

Peggy: Unfortunately, even with the best of intentions, sometimes a cyberpet's life is cut short. Although the pet is gone, it doesn't have to be forgotten. You can give your pet a proper send off at

www.d-3.com/deadpet/

Joni: To proceed with the service, lay the departed on top of your monitor and wait for the digital mortician to prepare your pet and assemble the mourners. Now remember, Peggy, this is a serious occasion.

Peggy: At my house, it would be a daily occasion. Seems pretty serious. The machine is playing a peppy, yes peppy, version of Taps.

Joni: Hush, the site asks us to wait with dignity while they prepare the service. On the screen we see the digital dead pet with a halo. You enter details about the dearly departed and then choose a funeral service -- cheap, standard or lavish.

Peggy: Of course, we chose lavish. A hearse carries his tiny digital remains to the mausoleum while a flowery eulogy flashes across the screen. Mourners, who are other virtual pets, pay their respects. Good-bye cruel screen.

Joni: In the cheap version, a stick man carries a bucket to a tiny grave. In the standard version, three people carry the digital casket. The choice is yours.

Peggy: What's your favorite virtual pet site on the Internet? E-mail us at click@semissourian.com

See you in Cyberspace.

Joni Adams and Peggy Scott are members of the Southeast Missourian online staff.