CLICK & DOUBLE CLICK: FINDING LAUGHTER ON THE INTERNET REQUIRES A SENSE OF HUMOR (COLUMN 56)

CYBERTIP: The Oct. 9 and 13 Surfing 101 classes are full, but we've started a waiting list. Openings remain for November and December. Classes will be offered the second Monday of the month from 7-9 p.m., and the second Thursday of the month from 1-3 p.m. Call Joni or Peggy at 335-6611 to register. The cost is $10, which must be paid in advance.

If you're a parent, you must have a sense of humor. We know. But some days, you need a little help to find the humor in every day life.

The Internet offers lots of sites dedicated to making us laugh.

Peggy: On Yahoo, one of our favorite search engines, there are more than 50 categories of humor. There's even one called hair. What's so funny about hair?

Joni: That's one of those categories that's not so funny to people without it. Some of the pages take a not-so-serious look at bad hair, stupid hairstyles and of course, Hillary's hair.

Peggy: Speaking of politics, let's hop over to the official "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" page.

abc.com/pi

We jumped over to the PI fun house. Since we don't have time to watch TV, we'll catch the jokes online. We found a speech generator. You can spice up those really boring political speeches with your own juicy descriptions.

Joni: Do you remember the parts of speech from fifth grade? If you don't, you may have a little trouble picking an action verb, adjective or noun. You fill in just over a dozen blanks, and presto. Peggy put a decidedly new twist on F.D.R.'s fourth inaugural address.

Peggy: I doubt if F.D.R. really said: "The Almighty God has blessed our land in many ways. He has given our people stout eye balls and strong toes...." You get the picture.

Joni: I like your reference that "we must live as elephants, not as ostriches." I'm sorry Peggy, I think speech writing is out.

Peggy: Hey, ostriches is part of the real speech.

Joni: For something completely different, there are many sites on duct tape humor. I like this one: "God made the world, but it's held together with duct tape." Let's take a closer look at 1001 Uses for Duct Tape.

intranet.ca/(tilde)mdeavreu/ducttape.html

Peggy: They list all 1001, give or take 852. Featured use of the month was No. 135: Cover your swimming pool with several layers and use it as a huge trampoline. How about these choices: Attractive siding for your house; material for a highly visible heavy-duty raincoat; a great Christmas gift for the Mrs., or wear it sticky side out during a meal for a super-effective bib.

Joni: Very bizarre. And this site wasn't even under the bizarre category of Internet humor. We can only go lower from here. Next we visited 1001 Jokes. Here's an example of the humor: Why did the Energizer Bunny take so long to go the bathroom? Because he kept going and going and going.

www.netfit.com/jokes/index.html

Peggy: My kids would like that joke. At this site, you can read your jokes in English, German and Australia. Hey, that's not a language. Oh, it is a joke. It's upside down. We fell for it.

Joni: You can also add your own joke to the site. It's a fill-in-the-blank format. There's also chat. How do you laugh on the Internet?

Peggy: I think you type LOL (laugh out loud), but I don't know for sure. Next stop, the web site for the original funny guy, Dave Barry.

www.randomhouse.com/features/davebarry

Be sure to read: A word from Dave. It's about emoticons, a kind of shorthand for Internet users. They're also called smileys.

Joni: You have to look at them sideways. Hint: Turn your head to the left. Here's some examples:

:) That means a happy person.

==]:-)> That's supposed to be Abraham Lincoln.

I'm watching you.

:( That's a sad person. You're catching on. Dave Barry has some insightful comments on emoticons. You can also add your own or view the archive. These people have WAY too much time on their hands.

Peggy: There are a lot of these in the archive. My neck is getting tired from reading all these, but they're fun. I like them.

Joni: Next stop, Riddle du jour, a daily chance to unravel a riddle submitted by others in the Internet.

www.dujour.com/riddle

Peggy: Sunday's riddle: It cannot be seen, cannot be felt; Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt; It lies behind stars and under hills; and empty holes it often fills; It always comes first and follows after; It ends life and kills laughter. Answer: The dark.

Joni: Today's riddle, the answer isn't given, has more than 17,000 submissions and just over 200 are correct. For less taxing humor, visit the Cyber Comedian. There's no cover charge to hear clips from such well-known comics as Steve Martin and Jeff Foxworthy. When you arrive, you're greeted with a laugh. You need a java-enabled browser (3.0 versions of either Netscape or Internet Explorer) and sound card to enjoy the show. If you don't have java, you can download some soundclips directly to your computer.

webtamers.com/comedian.html

Peggy: We clicked on the comedian and got a clip from Rodney Dangerfield. Poor Rodney, he gets no respect. He told his psychiatrist about his suicidal tendencies. The doctor told him to pay in advance. He went to a bar and they told him to get out. They wanted to start the Happy Hour.

Joni: Jeff Foxworthy warns: If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight, you may be a redneck. When you click, be patient. It may take up to 30 seconds to load an audio clip.

Peggy: What's your favorite Internet funny site? E-mail us at click@semissourian.com

See you in Cyberspace.

Joni Adams and Peggy Scott are members of the Southeast Missourian online staff.