CLICK & DOUBLE CLICK: BEAT THE HEAT BY SURFING THE COOLEST SITES ON THE INTERNET (COLUMN 48)

It's hot outside with hopefully some relief today. But it might still be a good time to surf some of the coolest sites on the Internet.

Cool has a variety of definitions on the Internet. Many of the larger sites pick their daily or weekly favorites, which they term cool sites of the day.

Guest surfer today is Darren McGaha, a member of the SEMIssourian.com online staff. He's filling in for Peggy Scott, who's still on maternity leave.

Yahoo suggests a number of sites its staff determines as cool. The categories themselves are, well, interesting.

www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Cool_Links/

Darren: Cool. Let's check out Volcano World, as if it's not hot enough.

volcano.und.nodak.edu

Joni: Anything you want to know about a volcano is here. You can even get e-mail alerts for eruptions.

Darren: You can find out about "Today in Volcano History," or "Ask the Volcanologist." There's also an area for kids. They can draw a picture to illustrate stories by famous children's author Jane Kurtz.

Joni: Let's check out the current erupting volcanoes.

Darren: Of course if it's death and destruction, Joni wants to see it.

Joni: Hey, I coming off a weekend of seeing "Air Force One" and "Face Off." It just seems to fit.

Darren: There's a whole listing of active volcanoes and it even shows maps with red triangles where the volcanoes are located.

Joni: There's several in Alaska and even one in California. I wonder if the moviemakers visited this site before making all those volcano films last summer?

Darren: Watch out. Mount St. Helen's is still listed on active status.

Joni: Back to Yahoo for more suggestions on "cool." Let's check out Monty Python online.

www.pythonline.com

Darren: I hate Monty Python.

Joni: Get with the program. The site starts with a photo of John Clese in a red dress holding two poodles. Very stylish. They ask you to write your own caption to make the judges laugh themselves silly (or sillier). You can win tickets.

Darren: You have to go through several stupid pages before you get to their real home page.

Joni: Yes, it's so Monty Python. Once you get there, the choices are the Spam Club, Games, Chit-Chat, Plugs, New Stuff, Detour and Shopping. Let's try Detour -- a beginner's guide to the Alternet.

Darren: Be careful with the detour. It's hosted by Daphne, the all-nude tour guide. It actually takes you to the New Stuff section.

Joni: In the Ugly Spam section, you can find a letter calling for prosecution for all sharing of e-mail addresses. Goodness. These guys are serious ... or are they?

Darren: You know where the Internet term Spam came from: Monty Python. They do that Spam thing all the time.

Joni: You know more about Monty Python than you let on.

Darren: All the more reason not to like them.

Joni: Next up: Driveways of the rich and famous. As a quote from the Wall Street Journal tells us on the home page "The Driveways of the Rich and Famous Gleefully and Literally takes the celebrity-lifestyle genre down to the asphalt."

www.driveways.com

Darren: You can meet the people who know the stars best: gardeners, mailmen and next door neighbors. You can meet Dolly Parton's gardener, Barbara Mandrell's carpenter or Johnny Cash's gatekeeper.

Joni: This is a public access that has gone worldwide -- web that is. There's a number of stars to choose from -- or people who know the stars.

Darren: What's this talking rock at the Playboy Mansion? Oh, it makes sense now. In Hugh Hefner's driveway, visitors are greeted by an intercom disguised as a rock, so they interviewed it.

Joni: It's an interview with the rock, I mean, security guard named Robert. These are definitely tongue-in-cheek.

Darren: The best part is the Halloween night in Beverly Hills. They visited the homes of Jack Nicholson, Elizabeth Taylor, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Warren Beatty, Rachel Welch and Jimmy Stewart to see who was giving out candy. At Jack Nicholson's house, the chef came out and gave him a candy bar. Apparently no one was home, but some had staff there.

Joni: Any of you think Monty Python is weird?

Darren: Next cool site: On Stagnant Pond. It's the cybersalute to the American Pink Flamingo. It's been vandalized by ducks.

www.ospsitecrafters.com

Joni: They suggest that Pink Flamingos are the universal symbol of good taste and psychometric excellence. Yeah, right.

Darren: Everything has been cybervandalized, which the editor is taking seriously. Cyber spraypaint everywhere, along with the taunts: "Ducks rool. Flamingos are stuped."

Joni: These guys push tongue-in-cheek to the extreme.

Darren: One of their mottoes is: If it weren't true, we couldn't say it on the Internet, could we?

Joni: Just the point Congress was trying to make. Don't take anything on the site too seriously. And for heaven sakes, don't send them any money for Flamingo orphans.

Darren: I like their plastic landscaping tips. Such as don't display just one solitary flamingo. They're sold in packages of two for a reason. Maybe we should change this week's theme from cool to odd. What's your favorite odd site on the Internet? E-mail us at click@semissourian.com

See you in Cyberspace.

Joni Adams and Darren McGaha are members of the SEMissourian.com online staff.