BY THE WAY: O.J. WITNESSES STAGE THEATER OF THE ABSURD

You know you've been away from work too long when the O.J. Simpson trial seems like compelling theater.

Such was the case during the final stages of my vacation last week. I stopped channel surfing as soon as I arrived at CNN and testimony from a witness for the defense.

The defense witness made a point to show how much of a stickler she is for time by revealing two watches. One watch was for marathons, the other for keeping appointments. Good thing she didn't have any other obligations. Her entire arm might have been covered with watches.

She talked about what time she kicked her friend out of her house and what time she washed her glasses before going to bed the same day the murders took place. Oh, by the way, the glasses were crystal, Denise said.

That seemed to have nothing to do with the trial and everything to do with why this woman wanted to take the witness stand.

Once prosecutor Marcia Clark sank her teeth into this witness, the truth became even clearer. "You're a stickler for time, are you?" said Clark as she glared at the witness. After the witness acknowledged this fact, Clark asked her what time she showed up for the trial.

"About 10:15 or so," said the witness. "Well, was it 10:15 or was it earlier?" queried Clark. "It might have been earlier or later, I really don't know," said the witness.

She said the watch she uses to keep appointments wasn't working very well and she might have been a little off. "So, you really don't know exactly what time you arrived today, do you?" Clark said.

Clark asked the woman what effect the news of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman had on her. "Oh, I was in shock," said Denise. "You were in shock," said Clark. "So what did you do the next day?" asked Clark, looking like a boxer who smells blood after delivering a crunching blow. "Well, I ran, like I do every day," said Denise.

"I see," said Clark. "You were in physical shock but you still managed to get your run in." Denise seemed confused. "I still have my routine to keep up," said Denise.

Another defense witness talked about the "demeanor" of O.J. Simpson when he arrived in Chicago the night of the murders. "He was being cool, you know, like O.J," said the witness.

All of the witnesses said they didn't hear the infamous barking dog until after the time the prosecution established for the murders. In between that we learned that the blind date that took place at Mezzaluna Restaurant didn't work out so well. Hey, this is L.A.

Denise said she always made a point to write things down. "But you didn't write anything down until just before the trial in January," said Clark.

"Yes, that is correct," said Denise. "Well, would you say that your memory fades with time or becomes clearer?" Clark asked. Denise said that as far as she could tell, everything was clear to her as soon as she wrote things down seven months after they happened.

This seemed to elicit a smile from F. Lee Bailey, one of several defense attorneys hired by O.J. Who would the next witness be? A Disney character?

Ah, work. It never felt better to get back to a reality I can sink my teeth into.

~Bill Heitland is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.