BY THE WAY: COMMUNICATION HELPS US AVOID DESPERATE ACTS

Information from unrelated events left me with alternate feelings of numbness and a heightened appreciation for life Monday.

One story began as a domestic dispute in Millersville that escalated into a shooting and apparent suicide. The tragedy penetrated the serenity and privacy of this town in obvious ways.

People who might otherwise talk about the weather, taxes, livestock or the price of farm equipment were suddenly left to deal with something that doesn't normally happen in their close-knit community.

Law enforcement officials and members of the news media had to do their jobs, which meant digging for facts that would explain what happened.

Cars that occupied a good portion of the road in front of the family barn somehow looked like they were trespassing on sacred ground.

The presence of so many outsiders understandably upset the family of the man who perished in a barn fire. But there was just no other way to uncover the truth. The body was so badly charred, law enforcement officials were unable to produce a definite identification. That will take a couple of days, perhaps making the incident even more difficult for family members to deal with.

The other story unfolded in less dramatic fashion. A friend called to say that the family member who was battling cancer finally succumbed early Monday morning. That this happened about the same time that the domestic dispute was unfolding in Millersville made it difficult to think of one without considering the other.

Anyone who has dealt with a family member stricken with cancer knows that it becomes one of the most difficult experiences to endure. To deal with it, a family tends to bond into a closer unit. You begin to talk about the good times and how nice it would be to get together more often.

You begin with some hope of recovery. But when doctors start talking about preparing for the inevitable, you begin putting this person's life in perspective.

You exhaust every way to make the final days as comfortable and dignified as possible. You suspend daily activities that define the quality of your life to accept the responsibility of attending to someone who once took care of you.

It is an experience so poignant and trying, you will never forget the impact on the remainder of your life and your family.

The act of taking a gun and threatening to take someone's life happens so quickly, in the heat of passion, there is no time to prepare for the consequences.

Even if you have planned what to do in the event that things don't go your way, there are all kinds of variables that could take those options away from you. A suicide attempt could be thwarted.

Resorting to an act of violence to solve a dispute has never appealed to me. If I can't solve a problem with words, I would rather remove myself from the scene until something can be worked out later on.

I don't believe that removing handguns would solve the problem of domestic violence. There are still enough weapons to take its place. I think when we've lost the ability to communicate, we resort to violence as a means of achieving swift satisfaction.

When we are able to rekindle the appreciation for communication, however, we learn to deal with cancer or anything else that crosses our path with dignity instead of desperation.

~Bill Heitland is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.