BUCKING THE SYSTEM: WORKING PARENTS MUST KNOW HOW TO MAKE PRIORITIES

I periodically serve as a presenter for a local welfare-to-work program about the importance of balancing work and family. The idea is to give participants possible solutions to some of the difficulties they'll encounter trying to be good employees, taking care of family concerns, and managing regular household maintenance at the same time.

To recognize the irony behind my presenting this particular seminar, you need only visit my household. Simply put, we are always doing something or going somewhere, and our home bears the proof of that.

I work a full-time job, am a graduate student and teach a college course, volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, and serve as an officer and choir director in my church. My husband works as a prn home health-care provider with the developmentally challenged, which means I never know if he'll be home for the evening or called to work for someone or to handle a crisis.

Many times I have seen people whisper behind their hands that I must be a bad parent or poor employee because I put too many irons in the fire. I bet she never cooks or spends time with her children, they whisper, and her house is never completely clean.

But, as I tell the program participants, life as a working parent is all about priorities. Your priorities, not anyone else's.

Who's to say how much time with your children is enough? There are plenty of children who were raised "correctly" and spent ample time with their parents who still make bad choices in life, just as there are children who had no connections with their parents who are considered great role models in adulthood.

It's all a crap shoot, which is why I try to attain the best odds by making my time with family members meaningful. We talk and we read and we use phrases like I love you' or I'm proud of you' or even I'm disappointed in you' often.

My kids have seen me argue with Patrick and kiss and make up, all of which lets them know anger is temporary and it's OK to express it appropriately. More often, we invite them to laugh and hug and tickle and sing with us, just to show them what happiness feels like.

As far as cooking goes, I'll readily admit I'm not the greatest at it, but none of us has lost any weight. And I'm a big believer in periodic deep cleaning (that is, using detergents and cleaners) with lots of "straightening up" in the interim.

When you're a working parent, balancing work and family is all about knowing what's important and when to reprioritize. You have to have a clear understanding of what you're doing so you can communicate that effectively to your family.

And don't worry about those on the outside who try to tell you what you should be doing or how to raise your family. The ones who understand will offer advice, and those who don't will criticize.

But as long a your focus is on taking care of the ones you love, the odds of doing it all successfully are in your favor.