BUCKING THE SYSTEM: SON OFFERS MOTHER LESSONS IN MASTERING THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP

Remember when friendships were easy?

My son, Jerry, is constantly proving how personable he is. Take for example, his recent switchover from the daycare he's been with since he was 7 weeks old. Jerry didn't miss a beat on his first day of preschool, even though the move meant he would no longer see his best friend, Derrick, on a daily basis.

While Patrick and I were taking pictures like crazy and fighting back tears, Jerry just walked in there like a champ, took Miss Nicky's hand, and walked over to a table full of trucks already occupied by two other little boys.

He didn't look back, and I know, because I was watching.

And then there was a recent trip to a ladies' boutique. While I was looking for a special occasion dress, Jerry was playing peekaboo between the clothing racks with a fellow 3-year old. He didn't know that little girl from Adam (or rather, from Eve), but it didn't matter. They had found in each other a simple and entertaining way to wait for their mommies to finish shopping.

I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately because some of the lines between my old and new friends have started to overlap.

At first I wasn't sure what to do about the blurring lines, especially when I realized the various sets were not going to blend well. I worried constantly about how much time each group was getting, but I recently realized that my worries were unnecessary.

I have Jerry to thank for that.

Jerry and Derrick have been hugging, kissing and fighting over trucks almost since they met each other while still in the womb. Together, they are a part of a larger set of friends who all have been brought together because their parents are friends.

They seem to like each other, despite the fact they really had no choice in the matter. Although there are a lot of different personalities crammed in that crew, I'm hoping they will be a lasting circle of friends.

Like Jerry, my first set of friends were made more for my parents' convenience than for mine. We were all born within a few years of each other to a group of like-aged friends. We had to get along even when we didn't want to because we played together, had the same babysitter, went to church together, and helped each other through countless outbreaks of chicken pox, flu and boy craziness.

As we grew older, we realized people hated-loved-envied our relationships and treated us differently because of them. This was the period when we learned the difference of being befriended and being friends.

People befriend you for a lot of different reasons, including convenience, shared workspace, political objectives and social status. They'll say all the things that good friends say and do some of the things that good friends do.

But it's only when the true tests are administered that you can determine who's there for the present and who signed on for the lifetime membership.

It can be very disappointing when someone that you thought fell in the lifetime category lets you know they're not ready for the responsibility of that position.

When I'm disappointed in a friendship, I sit back and wonder what's wrong with myself and why I let people do that to me. I also reflect on all my other friendships and wonder if I ought to just give it up altogether.

This is where I can learn something from Jerry.

Jerry is at the age when friendships always remain in the present tense. He doesn't become despondent if Derrick doesn't feel like sharing or if Taylor would rather play with Jordan. Instead, he just gets another toy or goes to see what his baby brother is doing.

Jerry makes the most of the time he has and establishes friendships with anybody who will let him. He doesn't worry about who gets along with whom. He just goes with the flow, allowing his friendships to form and change naturally.

Who says we can't learn from our children?