BUCKING THE SYSTEM: SECOND-BORN SEEKS ''SPONSIBILITY' AND SENIORITY

One of my favorite memories about Patrick Jr.'s infancy occurred upon his first meeting with his big brother, Jerry, nearly two years ago.

To my dad's horror, I had again decided to nurse my child and had no problems doing so with appropriate coverings in the family room. On this particular date, Jerry, then 2, was returning from a two-week visit with my sister in Alabama and was excited to meet his "bran' new baby bru-da." Jerry walked in the room, ran to give his daddy a hug, then came over to where I was nursing PJ on the couch. He sat next to me, pulled back the blanket, put his face next to his brother's and commanded: "Stop biting my mommy." Jerry might have gotten the last word in that confrontation, but PJ was the obvious victor. Rather than engaging in a verbal conflict, the 4-days-old PJ eyed his brother, took a deep breath, and continued to handle his business without deigning to acknowledge Jerry's existence again.

It has become his signature response in most situations.

It's not a secret that PJ has the more dominant personality of my sons. He does things on his terms or not at all in most situations, and those who would beg to differ usually wind up with sore heads, either literally or figuratively. He's the one my friends have labeled the bad child, the child who people -- even my mother -- must mentally gird themselves to babysit.

I secretly admire PJ a great deal, because I know how very unlike Jerry and me he is.

My first-born and I were afflicted with First Child Syndrome. We are mild-mannered and use nice manners and a willing and winning personality because we had birth-order seniority and because our parents took the time to give us -- in the immortal words of Tommy Pickles of RugRats fame -- "'sponsitility." But as my darling baby boy indicated in that first encounter with his brother, PJ is not impressed by 'sponsitility nor seniority. He is his own man. His is a carefree existence that lives for the day and operates on his own timetable.

Despite the 'bad' label he has received countless times, I recognize that PJ is simply a child, albeit a headstrong one. He is a loving being, as evidenced every time he seeks a warm hug or wet buss on the cheek, and every time he wakes up with the name of his godfather or a new friend on his lips.

He doesn't worry about 'sponsitility because that's what his big brother is for. And while he isn't impressed by seniority, it's obvious he desires the same favor that comes so easily for his older brother. That's why he follows hard in Jerry's footsteps and is making such progress in potty training, dressing himself, and even in developing better manners.

There are no babies in my home anymore, just big boys who often select the road less traveled in their daily journeys. I'm noticing that the journeys of my sons are more often being traveled as twosomes, whether the boys are battling dust bunnies under the couch or monsters under the bed.

The experiences have been good for both boys. Jerry is learning how to be carefree and shake off the sometimes burdensome mantels he must wear.

And PJ, well, he is gaining the 'sponsitility he has sought.

tbuck@semissourian.com 335-6611, extension 128.