BUCKING THE SYSTEM: QUALITY PRECEDES QUANTITY IN DICTIONARY AND IN LIFE

I've come to realize that my work gets in the way of my life.

If only I didn't have to spend roughly 40 hours each week reporting the news, I'd do lots of things differently and carry around a lot less guilt.

I'd keep my house clean instead of settling for "straightened," and I'd actually be able to say what that "stuff" in the covered casserole dish sitting in the bottom of my refrigerator is.

I'd learn how to cook so my husband and oldest son, Jerry, could have scratch cakes and home-cooked meals whenever they desired. And my 2-month-old son, PJ, could have fresh, all-natural baby food, lovingly made with my own two hands.

Without this job, my days could be dedicated to other things, like beautifying my community. I'd work in my yard, digging, seeding and nurturing so that flowers could actually grow in our flower boxes. And pretty green grass would replace the tufts of weeds that cover our lawn.

I'd dedicate myself to civic and religious projects to uplift my fellow man. I'd walk the streets, picking up litter daily. I'd help get the vote out. I'd give blood consistently. I'd financially adopt an international child. I'd, I'd, I'd ...

I'd have a nervous breakdown. Those things I've mentioned are things I wouldn't do, even if my job didn't occupy 40 hours every week. Those are all part of the dream sequence we working mothers have when we get tired of trying to cover all the bases.

The honest truth is I need a full-time job to keep me from becoming the overzealous do-gooder I know I have the potential to become. Not that being a do-gooder is bad; without them this world would quickly be wrapped in a gasoline g-string and making a beeline towards the bad place .

No, being a do-gooder is a good thing. My problem is I can get so good at do-gooding that it becomes work, then the rest of my life just sort of gets lost in the mix.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't like my do-gooder status, because I am and always have been a spotlight grabber. I like being the person about whom others will look at and state, "I don't know how she does it."

Even so, lurking in the back of my mind is the question "Am I giving everybody their equal share of quality time?"

Take my family, for instance. There have been many nights when I've realized my thoughts about other things were infringing on quality time with them.

For example, just recently I had to make myself stop thinking about an upcoming committee meeting and read the book Jerry kept begging me to read. And poor PJ, who is a blessedly happy baby, has learned to entertain himself until Mommy can get to him.

And if it weren't for the times Patrick sat in the bathroom while I took a bath or accompanied me to school board meetings just so we could talk during the drives back and forth, we'd never grow as a couple.

And my actual job? Well, let's just say there are days when I work hard, and there are other days when I go to work.

The bottom line is I don't think it's possible to give everybody their equal share of time. Sometimes charity comes first, at other times the career is the priority, and there are plenty of days when my family takes precedence.

But even though the quantity of time gets inequitable, my life -- that is, my family, career and other responsibilities -- can all claim I gave them the best I had to offer at the time.

In life, as in the dictionary, quality precedes quantity.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.