BUCKING THE SYSTEM: OVERTIRED AND OVERWROUGHT: THE LONG WAY HOME

To all of you whoever thought about remodeling several rooms of your home simultaneously, heed the following three words: Don't do it!

It's been 12 long weeks since my home was partially destroyed by fire. During that time I've learned but one thing: Remodeling a home can be a Herculean task.

I'm not talking beating the Amazons in a battle; this has taken much more mental and physical effort than that. No, this task ranks right up there with stealing apples from the Tree of Life and kidnapping the watchdog of the World of the Dead.

Through the first half of our remodeling efforts, Patrick and I tried to stay positive and upbeat about the possibilities. We poured over magazines and spent endless hours in hardware and furniture stores looking for just the right pieces to go into our home.

Even when we fired our first contractor, we tried to stay focused on the prize. We just kept reminding ourselves how nice the house would look when it was finally complete and tried to forget how much more everything was costing than we had expected.

But, as I said, it's been 12 weeks since the fire, and that enthusiasm is starting to wane. Whereas, before we were accentuating the positive, now we're starting to stress the negative each and every time something goes wrong, is delayed or costs more than we anticipated.

The closer we get to getting back into our home, the more we start to act like overtired children traveling back home after a field trip. You know the kids I'm talking about: They've gotten along all day, but now that it's time to go home, all they want to do is argue and pick at each other.

It doesn't help that all of our subcontractors have operated in their own time zone. What is it about these people that makes them say four weeks when they know it will in all likelihood take twice as long?

It's not as if they use words like "approximately," "about" or "I'll try." If I had heard those words when they gave me an estimate for completion, I wouldn't be as put out with them. However, when they speak confidently about the amount of labor required and tell me "It'll be on/done/finished in two days," that's what I expect to happen.

It could be Patrick and I are talking to all the wrong contractors, but I doubt it because I see the problems area schools are having with contractors and construction projects. I've also talked to more than one homeowner who, like me, tackled fairly big remodeling jobs in their homes and had to deal with more than one contractor who was unable to accurately estimate a time of completion.

I really think I've gotten to this point because I base my expectations on plain-speaking and the fact that I work on deadlines. I can just imagine the look my editors would give if I told them my column would be ready at 5 p.m. Friday and then they didn't receive it until after 11 p.m.

I can't properly describe it, but let's just say those looks would fall under the "Have you lost your mind/You'd better do something different next time if you want to keep your job" category. Sure they give us a little leeway, but it's not much, and it's getting smaller everyday.

Even though my expectations are based on my own experiences, I don't think it's too much to ask that carpenters, heating and cooling installers, plumbers, electricians and all-around handymen give realistic time lines for the completion of their tasks.

Assuming they are giving true estimates in the beginning, maybe they should just do a better job of keeping homeowners, superintendents and others informed of whether something is running behind schedule instead of always trying to put the best face on things.

If they did, then maybe we homeowners wouldn't be losing our hair or at each other's throats all the time. Maybe we would encourage others to use a particular contractor or remodel prior to the wrath of fire.

Or maybe we could just make it back home and into our beds without wishing bodily harm to said contractors and/or our mates.