BUCKING THE SYSTEM: ONLY ONE OPINION COUNTS WHEN IT COMES TO POTTY TRAINING

I've heard opinions from all the experts, but in the end, the one person whose opinion matters about this potty training experience is the only person who's keeping mum on the subject.

I decided earlier this year that I would potty train Jerry over the summer. I figured that his turning 2, coupled with warmer weather and less clothing, would be all the incentive he needed to get to the toilet when Nature called.

I read books, talked to other moms, and even bookmarked Internet Web sites on the subject in preparation for PT time. My zealousness was duplicated in my mother, who started reminiscing about how easy it was to potty train my sister and me.

Mom wasn't the only one sharing happy thoughts with me. All of my friends, relatives and acquaintances began telling their own little PT adventures. Their warm-fuzzy memories and our ambitions were enough to get Mom and me psyched up and ready to go.

In our innocence, we figured all we'd need was a little patience and a lot of enthusiasm and Jerry would be ready to move into Big Boyhood in plenty of time for the arrival of his new sibling in mid-November.

Or so we thought.

It turns out Jerry received more of my dominant stubborn gene than I thought. The little boy has the ability to withhold bodily functions at will and to walk around in soggy Pull-Ups for as long as I can stand it. "No Mommy, no potty," became sort of a mantra of his that I heard even in my sleep.

Even a two-week stay with my mom, who is on summer vacation, didn't do the trick. While he was there, Jerry would dutifully get up, run to the potty and handle his business. However, upon his return home he regressed, and even the promise of car rides, balloons and other rewards didn't seem to get him to the potty before he was good-and-gosh-darned ready.

What's interesting is the fact that Jerry's regression brought the experts out of the woodwork again. This time, however, instead of offering good memories and sappy advice, they offered only consolations and horror stories.

"I remember my child doing his thing behind my couch," said one woman. Everyone groaned, and little Buck Jr. did a nauseating twirl in his comfortable little home.

"Yeah, I've seen that before, but my experience was worse because my son would take his dirty diaper off and show it to everybody," said another mom.

How many different ways are there to say yuck?

I'm wondering why these women wait until after my first attempts to tell me about their own potty training woes. The only negativism I heard prior to potty training was boys are tougher to train than girls, but it doesn't take very long once you see The Signs.

Well, I saw all the signs and all I can say is they don't mean a thing.

The truth is, my neat little time schedule just didn't jive with Jerry's. He is learning to control his bodily functions and often uses the potty very well throughout the day, but only when he wants to. I've learned I can't force the subject or make him do something he isn't willing to do.

I'm still shooting for cloth underwear by the end of the summer, but I've given up with the rewards and the ultimatums. In the end, the one person whose opinion matters about this potty training experience is the only person who's keeping mum on the subject.

What that basically means is I'll be making a lot of futile trips to the bathroom until Jerry gets all of his signals down and learns to heed them.

Of course, those trips won't really be futile, because I'll probably benefit from the potty breaks even if Jerry doesn't. Jerry isn't the only one who's a little late catching signals right now.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.