BUCKING THE SYSTEM: MOTHERHOOD IS AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY BUT ALSO AWESOME POWER

If I knew four years ago what I know today, I still would have become a mother.

Despite the fact that I was in labor 17 hours with Jerry, 9 hours with PJ, and never dilated beyond a fingertip. Thank God for morphine.

Despite the fact that my children weighed a combined total of 19 pounds, 11 ounces and were a combined length of 43 and 1/2 inches long at birth.

Despite the fact they have more than doubled the amount of time I spend on laundry.

Despite the fact they have more than doubled the amount I spend on groceries each week.

Despite the fact they have caused my feet to spread in length and width, and we won't even talk about my dress size.

Despite the fact they are on schedule to have feet the size of Shaquille O'Neal before they reach puberty. (They got that from me).

Despite the fact they already have name-brand tastes on our family's Sam's Choice budget.

Despite the fact they have sun and moon personalities and so are never in the same mood at the same time (don't let that picture fool you).

Despite the fact that PJ has the surprising ability to hide sippy cups in places where they can never be found.

Despite the fact that Jerry knows every curse word and won't repeat them, but knows how to make me feel guilty every time I say one.

Despite the fact that I am forced to take them with me everywhere, even if the only place I'm going is to the bathroom.

In spite of all these things, I still would have become a mother. That's because my children are, in a word, fascinating.

I can't tell you how many nights I still lie awake and watch them sleep. Although I grumble, I don't really mind that Jerry grinds his teeth and sleeps like the dead. Or that the only word PJ remembers at night is "Mommy," a word he is capable of repeating over and over and over.

And when they are awake, I marvel at how quickly they learn and try to guess what future careers they will seek. PJ is destined to become a handyman or a contractor, if his repeated practice with my broom and plunger are any indication.

And Jerry, I think, will become a star athlete or an engineer, because his favorite hobbies are slam dunking his basketball and using intricate patterns and devices to hook all of his toys together.

Whatever they become, I know I won't be any prouder of them than I am today, as long as I know they give it their all and truly enjoy it.

That's the great thing about motherhood. You build up all this love and pride and hope, and all you want to do is share it with the children you have painfully brought into this world and watched over every day since.

And when they're away from you, as Jerry has been for the past two weeks, you send up extra prayers and hope they will be enough to protect your babies in your absence.

Motherhood is an awesome responsibility, but it also delivers awesome power. How else do you explain how the mothers of this world can continue to manage their homes, even when they are ill?

If I had not become a mother, Patrick and I would have a lot more free time, a lot more money and many more things.

But we wouldn't have had Jerry and PJ, and they are much more valuable to me.

Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.