BUCKING THE SYSTEM: MACHO DISPOSITION OFTEN COVERS INTERIOR `GENTLE GIANT' IN MEN

I'll take a tough wimp over a tough thug any day for a father, husband or son.

I often get a laugh watching the posturing and machoism of men when they get out in public. The same men who cry during weddings and who love to say "Gitche gitche goo" to babies will get around other men and act as if kryptonite couldn't bring them down.

I've known literally dozens of these men over the years, and they've all got the same act down pat. They shout and they grumble and they make everyone take a wide path around them, and then when they think no one's looking they let down their guard and brush away a sentimental tear or two.

Take my dad, for instance. This ebony prince stands at 6 feet 4 inches and 200-plus pounds; probably a Mandingo tribe descendent. And yet that same proud warrior gets misty during every Christmas party and would do a backstroke across the desert for just about any family member, friend or associate who asks him.

He's a soft touch -- something every teen-aged daughter needing a few bucks needs.

And then there's Lennies McFerren -- Coach Mac to most folks in Southeast Missouri. A louder mouth and softer touch you'll not find in the area; he's one of my favorite people.

I can remember when all it took was for him to yell my name during a basketball game and I'd immediately play better -- and he wasn't even my coach! I can also remember a specific timeout during a championship basketball game in Columbia. The boys were messing up, and Coach Mac yelled so loudly the ENTIRE GYM quieted down. It was amazing.

But this same man taught me how to drive without once raising his voice or hurting my feelings. And it's this same man who has the audacity to cry whenever he enters a church or somebody honors him, much like the actor who says "You like me, you really like me."

Well, yeah, I guess we do.

And then there are my husband and his friends. These self-proclaimed members of the He-Man Woman Hater Club are walking the same path already trod by my dad and Coach Mac. They talk a good game, but that's all it is.

What's funny is the fact that they are trying to perpetuate the myth with us, their mates, and to pass the legacy onto their sons.

I'm talking about the same person -- who shall remain nameless -- who sends his wife to check the house if something goes bump in the night; and another guy -- again nameless -- who's afraid of clowns; and yet another -- once again, nameless -- who actually believes the spaghetti just might be hoodoo'd by his own personal voodoo woman.

I really don't mind my part in this drama, nor do I mind seeing my son follow his dad's lead. To my way of thinking, it's better to have a tough wimp than a tough thug. As a matter of fact, I think more women need to encourage their men to raise their sons in this manner.

Maybe if there are more dads and father figures around to teach their sons to talk loudly and have a warm heart rather than to walk softly and carry a big stick (or gun), we'd have a better society for everyone.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.