BUCKING THE SYSTEM: IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH EFFORT TO REMAIN BEST FRIENDS

I am really enjoying getting to know my best friends again.

That seems weird to say, since I have all types of best friends. There's the group I attended elementary school with, and the ones I shared my college experiences with. And then there are the ones I've developed during my adult life.

I've been lucky enough to hold on to one or two from each of those groups over the years, amassing a very strong support group of mostly-female friends whom I can trust will be there if I need them.

But my very closest friends are those I've known since infancy: Tracy, Michelle, Felecia, and of course my sister, Clarissa. These are the girls, now women, who have always been a part of my life.

I had lost touch with them as we all got involved in college and adulthood. The 20-somethings of the world are so involved in getting somewhere that we often lose touch with the folks that have helped us all our lives.

Apparently, we're starting to settle down, though, and have had several opportunities recently to remind ourselves what makes us so close.

Everything we did as children was done together. When one got the chicken pox (I think Meshe originally brought it home from school), we all got it. The same thing happened with the flu, various colds and lots of bad moods.

About the only thing we didn't catch was Tracy's asthma, but we all knew the exact location of and how to work The Pump at all times.

Some of our best times were spent gathered around a table, usually at Boomland or somebody's house. We would surround ourselves with food to be shared as we talked about everything and anything, just like good girlfriends should.

Sometimes we did this daily, other times it was less often. What was important was that we did it, and that we knew we had a group of women who were not out to backstab, undercut or otherwise hurt us, even if a man or money was involved.

We were more than friends or even cousins -- I think we were more like sisters. When we fought, it could get ugly, but within days or hours or sometimes minutes, we were back together.

There was never any dread that one of us had to be invited along for an event. It was just understood that if one of us was invited we were all invited.

After we reached adolescence, we began to judge each other's boyfriends, and later, husbands, to see if they were worthy of our friends. Meshe had a lot of boyfriends I didn't care for before she brought home the man she married, whom I liked immediately.

The same was true for the elusive Tracy, who never let you know what she was up to. There were split decisions about her boyfriends, although we all like her husband. Tracy is our running joke, because several of her boyfriends, and now her husband, have the same name as her father.

I don't think they liked any of the men I dated because my personality always seemed to be dominant. That is, until I brought my husband home. In him, they all said the same thing: He's just like your daddy.

It was a compliment.

The jury is still out on both Fe and Clarissa. Felecia is notorious for bringing men home that everybody likes except her, or conversely, that only she likes. And as for Clarissa, she simply refuses to bring anybody around us.

Things have changed from the days when we talked about boys, music and country parties (we had a lot of those growing up). Now when we get together, our conversations tend to revolve around husbands and children, and how quickly we can get the latter to bed so we can go somewhere.

Life has changed a lot, but it hasn't changed us that much. The country parties may be out, but we still take the time to gather around a table with some good food whenever we can.

The great thing about best friends is it doesn't take much effort to remain best friends.

Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.