BUCKING THE SYSTEM: GOSSIP: SEPARATING THE GOOD FROM THE BAD

Everyone is, to some extent, a gossip. We all like to get the scoop on people, places and events, mainly because having knowledge that isn't general makes us seem a little bit more important. It gives us a one-up on those who were slow or late with the news.

What's funny is there are gossips in the community who assume a similar role to reporters, but with a different title and purpose. Whereas journalists are supposed to report the facts relating to newsworthy people, places and events in an impartial, unbiased manner, these people have a different agenda. They exist simply to tell what they know -- truth or otherwise -- to whomever they want in whatever manner they choose.

Actuality is not as important to them as appearances, and conjecture and assumptions based on thirdhand reports comprise the bulk of their material.

These people are what I call malicious gossips, and it's because of them that gossip has gone from being a really harmless pasttime to something negative. They have a problem with comfortable silences, so they have to say the wrong thing to fill the void.

The malicious gossiper is the person who uses gossip as a tool to hurt others; the person who is willing to make up, slant or otherwise fiddle with the truth in order to have something to talk about.

Take our Valentine's Day weekend, for example. That trip was almost ruined for several people in our party because a few malicious gossipers took evilness to another level. These people wanted to warn their friends about a group of people they don't really know, and the result was almost exactly what they wanted -- a canceled trip or a much smaller group of participants.

Luckily, in our group of friends we keep our lines of communication open, so all of the misconceived notions were put to rest well before the trip, and we had a good time. We didn't fall victim to their plans because we refused to allow them to break our circle of love.

You know, there's nothing wrong with sharing information about what's happening in your community. But it's when you allow yourself to become a part of another person's spiteful vendetta that things go wrong.

Thankfully, malicious gossipers are in the minority. Most gossips enjoy the simple thrill of retelling a good story. Unlike their counterparts, they don't need the added frivolity of bursting another person's bubble, dashing their expectations or raining on their parade.

I must admit, I enjoy being one of those privileged people who is "in the know." I like having a job that allows me to find out what's happening and then make sure that you receive the facts in a timely manner.

I don't limit my nosiness to business hours. I'm a gossip and I'm proud. I work all week at getting the news, leave town most weekends, then contact all of the other "in the know" people on Sunday evenings to make sure I'm up on what's up in the community.

But I guess the key is whom I did and I'm doing my gossiping with. A good gossip only repeats to people she knows won't go blabbing stuff any further, which means reporting only to a spouse, close friend or family member.

Good gossip is simple prattle about nonhurtful matters. The other kind -- the hurtful kind -- is small conversation from small people who have nothing but time on their hands.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.