BUCKING THE SYSTEM: FAMILY MATRIARCH MA DEAR WEARS MANY HATS

Silver gray hair, deep brown eyes

The maker of scratch biscuits and blackberry pies

A mother of 14, and a great-grand as well

Her knees are bad but the mind's clear as a bell.

An octogenarian in body and mind

but her Christian soul can't be broken by time.

Her calling as the matriarch in the family is clear

She has many roles, primarily that of Ma Dear.

OK, so I'm not the best poetess to have ever penned a line, but the words came from the heart. Besides, any tribute I could write for my grandmother pales when contrasting with the real McCoy.

As you read this with your first cup of coffee, I'm en route to Memphis to celebrate the birthday of my maternal grandmother, affectionately called Ma Dear. In what has become a family tradition, all of the many members of the Morgan clan come together around Sept. 30 each year to celebrate our family matriarch's birthday.

Everybody has a Ma Dear: She's the mother of one of your parents. Now she's not to be confused with Big Momma. That dear lady is either a great-aunt or a great-grandmother who's still living when her niece/granddaughter starts her family.

My Ma Dear is a feisty little lady who runs the family with the finesse of the Godfather from her small corner of the world in Walls, Miss. Her sight is fading, and arthritis has ravaged her legs, but somehow Ma Dear always manages to keep on keeping on. Of course, she had a lot of practice in survival; she was married to a minister and gave birth to 14 children.

There are many little things that I admire about Ma Dear. She doesn't smoke, drink or cuss, and she's soft-spoken but quick-witted. Her mother-wit has gotten astronomical over the years, and she makes a mean scratch cake.

More than anything though, I admire Ma Dear's intelligence. She was educated in a one-room, segregated classroom with few to no resources available. The result of that education was a keen intelligence that doesn't have to flaunted to be noticed. She may not know algebra or literature, but she has an old-school blend of common and book sense that would make a lot of scholars look dumber in comparison.

Ma Dear also has a passion for learning that she passed to all of her children. She encouraged them to set goals and work hard to achieve them, despite the fact that the segregated South offered few opportunities for blacks. One of her best achievements to her credit is the fact that nine of her 11 children that survived infancy pursued secondary training or education after graduating from high school. Three of those children are teachers.

My grandmother is sassy, frank, intelligent, religious: In a word, beautiful. She wears a mean Sunday-go-to-meeting hat, and she's one of the most influential women in my life.

I think she is the epitome of a matriarch. She's a caregiver and nurturer, disciplinarian and judge. Ma Dear "don't take no mess," and she refuses to be a part of any. Few people in my generation have learned to take such a hard line with the world.

I want to be Ma Dear when I grow up.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.