BUCKING THE SYSTEM: EBONICS IS COOL, BUT IT'S NOT FOR SCHOOL

Ebonics is not like a hairdo: It doesn't get more accepted with time.

When my husband Patrick and I first read that the Oakland, Calif., public school system would teach Ebonics as a separate language, he was enraged. Patrick thought they were going to mock the informal street language used by many blacks across the nation.

Since I have loosely followed the subject for five years (translation -- I wrote two papers on the subject in college), I am, of course, The Ebonics Authority in our household. I know what it is, and I know it has no business in the classroom.

I think many of us would recognize principles of Ebonics if we only had examples of it. Here's a tip: if you want to hear Ebonics spoken in Cape Girardeau, go outside. Go to the grocery store; go to a ballgame. If you want to read an example of the language, read a Mark Twain favorite.

You see, while Ebonics is a neat-sounding name that has cultural significance, it's really a kissing cousin to the dialect of Southerners. Regardless of what anybody tells you about the Mason-Dixon Line, and how Missouri is in the Midwest and was a neutral state in The Civil War, one fact remains true: We're all Southerners.

Still a disbeliever? Count the number of Confederate flags or Civil War reenactments you see during a drive around the Bootheel.

I'm sure I'm about to put the Speak Out lines in overdrive, but I believe the theory behind Ebonics has merit. Ebonics has a syntactical and phonetic structure that was derived from a number of African tribal languages and English dialects which later fused into Pig English. That basis makes Ebonics different enough from Standard English to be distinguishable.

Even so, I don't think Ebonics qualifies as a language. It's a dialect. It can be found in any U.S. city or town, and the people who speak it understand each other. It's not like the patois (pronounced pa-twa) of Caribbean natives, which is a dialect understood only by its speakers.

Most Americans recognize Ebonics as English and can fairly easily decipher it.

But even though it is recognized everywhere, it's not accepted everywhere. Ebonics is not like a hairdo -- it doesn't get more accepted with time. The simple fact is when you are in a professional atmosphere, it is better to use the language of the office. If French is the language of international business leaders, Standard English is the language of most American professionals.

I am one of the speakers of Ebonics, and I sometimes I also work around professionals. I use Ebonics like a water faucet: I know when to turn it on and off. Maybe I shouldn't be so aware of the times when I use the dialect, but I am and I won't apologize for that.

When I work, I speak and write using Standard English. When I'm home or in an informal situation, I can let my hair down and let the Ebonics flow.

I also have another reason for not wanting it taught in schools. You see, I'VE already graduated from high school, taken my A.C.T., and attended the university of my choice, and I don't have to worry about anyone not giving me the information I need to perform well on a standardized test.

In fact, the only personal contact I have with a school right now is paying off my school loans.

But today's young African-American students -- actually, all American students -- have enough to worry about without the added burden of Ebonics. Nearly all students are suffering from overcrowded classrooms and overwhelming budget cuts, and standardized tests will probably be culturally-biased to SOMEBODY as long as the human race exists. Why add the burden of Ebonics to the whole picture?

Students need to focus on what they need to know while they are studying in high school. They need to have a strong educational basis in English composition and reading comprehension, higher mathematics, science, current events, and U.S. and world history.

They should also know how to work and play well with others, how to work independently, and how to be leaders as well as team players.

Hopefully, they also gain good values and a strong work ethic along the way.

These subjects and other educational mandates will help more students pass tests and develop the analytical thinking they need after high school. Giving them an Ebonics handicap won't do that.

There is a reason so many prominent African-Americans are opposed to Ebonics in the schools: They want progress, not regress.

'Cause packin' the donkey unnecessary full won't do nothin' but helpt him die.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.