BUCKING THE SYSTEM: BAD CHILDREN ARE MADE; THEY AREN'T BORN THAT WAY

Adults cannot expect children to do well when the only feedback they receive is negative.

I saw a Boy Scouts recruitment poster last week that centered around the faces of several young African-American males. Those young men wore closed expressions and their eyes seemed to be angry at first.

But then I looked at the poster again. Those boys weren't angry -- they were hungry. Hungry for success, compassion or just a kind word.

I recognize that look because it's one that has been worn by many children I know or have known.

More often than not, these are youth who have been labeled bad or categorized as juvenile delinquents early in life. They hear the labels and get so much negative feedback that they start to believe it of themselves, and that's the first step towards becoming what other people have made them.

Most children are not born bad. Sure, there are those who have been given every advantage in life who murder their parents or commit other crimes, but most "bad" children were good ones who wound up taking a wrong turn somewhere.

Usually, these wrong turns can be traced back to a negative home life. I'm not talking about negative purely in terms of economic advantages; there are thousands of low-income families that turn out upstanding members of society everyday.

I'm talking about homes where the negative outweighs the positive on a daily basis. Homes where a unfavorable comment and a backhand slap are more common than praise for accomplishments and a hug or congratulatory slap on the back.

I'm talking about parents who strip their children of self-esteem and respect for others by reinforcing the negative instead of the positive.

Children do not excel when the only words they hear are negative and critical. A child needs to feel wanted and respected by the adults around him, or he will become angry and disillusioned and express these feelings in a harmful way.

They want us to notice their improvement in school academics and deportment, and to look at their physical development as a work in progress rather than ugly face.

They want us to NOTICE them and accentuate the positive rather than overemphasize the negative.

Children follow our leads, so it's important that we watch what we say and do around them. If we curse, then they are going to curse. If we degrade and ignore authority, they're going to do the same.

If we constantly tell them they're ugly, bad and no-good, that's exactly what they will become.

A child's life is in part his or her responsibility. But a large portion of that responsibility rests squarely on our shoulders. We are responsible for the physical, emotional and social well-being of our children. In most cases, how they turn out is a direct result of what we put in in terms of time, support and commitment.

When a child feels secure and confident in himself, those feelings are expressed in positive ways. When they feel insecure and unconfident and have low self-esteem, these feelings are expressed verbally and physically.

Whether we like it or not, the societal problems we have are of our own making. We should take this chance to bring up a strong and confident generation of children.

If we blow it, it's a certainty that they will, too.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.