Bottom line

Sept. 23, 2010

Dear Leslie,

If you pay any attention to the nonstop political commentary on television, you notice that certain phrases are like vampires -- they live somewhere in the dark places of our brains and come out when we don't know what else to say. They can only be killed by a stake to the heart, by pushing the Power Off button on the remote control, or by exposing them for sucking the blood out of the English language.

Here are just a few:

* "The bottom line is ... ." This one's getting creaky and could die of inertia. Once we cared about the bottom line, but the bottom line has been so subterranean lately that we seem unable to find it. "No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up," Lily Tomlin said.

* "At the end of the day ... ." This has replaced the bottom line in the vocabulary of most commentators. Maybe it sounds less remunerative and more poetic. But the meaning is the same.

* "It is what it is." This one leaves me wondering not what is is but what it is. And if whatever it is is what it is, then what is it? When people say it is what it is, they seem to be saying, "Oh, well. Nothing can be done to change things. Deal with it." Oh.

* "Look!" Our president is fond of beginning the answer to a question this way. It means "Let me set you straight." Or "The bottom line is." Or "At the end of the day." "Look!" is a demand that makes you sit up and pay attention. In saying it you sound authoritative no matter what follows. Obama's press secretary uses "Look!," too. So do the top Republicans. Nobody wants the opposition to sound more authoritative.

* "You can't have it both ways." This is especially popular in election season. Candidates accuse each other of wanting to have it both ways, which is another way of saying their opponent is a hypocrite, someone who isn't logical and lacks constancy, not someone you'd want in your foxhole.

I love having it both ways. Hot fudge on vanilla ice cream is having it both ways. Foxhole food.

* "It's all good." Actually, not many political commentators use this one because that would leave nothing to complain about. In the world of "it's all good," everything is cool and hunky-dory no matter what. Fifty years ago everything was copacetic. Now it's all good.

* "Ya think?" This is said in response to someone who has just made the mistake of stating the obvious. "Ya think" is the new "There you go."

* Which is different from "Here we go." This one means, "Haven't we heard this all before?" and is usually accompanied by an exasperated sigh. This is a variation of Ronald Reagan's "There you go again," the catchphrase he used to chide President Jimmy Carter during the 1980 campaign.

Look, the bottom line is, at the end of the day you can't have it both ways, but it is what it is and it's all good. Whatever it is.

Love, Sam

Sam Blackwell is a former reporter for the Southeast Missourian.