Bible speaks to romantic love

It is February, and love is in the air. The Bible has much to say about romantic love. One example comes from Ephesians 5:33, which says, "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Highlighting a simple but complex principle, Ephesians tells us we may listen to the same sounds but often hear different messages.

Love and respect are some of our greatest needs. As the father of both sons and daughters, I am amazed at people who share a family resemblance can be so incredibly different from each other. Talking with other parents who have both boys and girls, they have also seen similar differences. I certainly do not want to typecast every boy is this way, and every girl is that way, but there are some commonly shared distinctives between the two. One shared trait is how my children relate to me differently. Both want my love and affection. But both want that love and affection expressed differently.

Each summer, we go to the pool where both my boys and girls love jumping off the high dive. When they first started the grand leap, they sought my attention but in different ways. When my boys successfully risked their life and limb, they asked, "Did you see what I did?" When my girls performed the leap of doom, they asked, "Did you think I could do that?"

Both wanted my attention. Both wanted my approval. The one wanted to know I loved them because I believed in them. The other wanted to know I loved them because I respected their daringness. Both wanted love, but they wanted to received love differently.

Ephesians 5:33 reminds us that both men and women want to know that they are loved, but we hear that spoken differently. Speaking as a man, we, in general, hear we are loved by knowing what was accomplished and the value it added. Telling your husband, "You did this, it meant a lot to me, thank you," goes a lot farther in building the relationship than the quick "I love you" text. The second is true, but the first presents it in a way that is heard. We can listen to the same words but hear a different message. Studying your spouse and learning to speak their language will drastically change the depth, excitement and vitality of your relationship.