The word is out: Downtown golf is coming back with a big bang

Tiger Woods, apparently, will not be in Cape Girardeau on Sept. 28.

Sept. 28 is the date of the First-Ever Ninth Annual World-Famous Louis J. Lorimier Downtown Golf Tournament and All-You-Can-Eat Catfish Buffet.

Does that seem possible? I mean the fact that this will be the ninth downtown golf tournament. I really didn't expect Tiger to be here, what with his aches and groans -- even though a lot of folks who play each year in the downtown golf tournament could tell Tiger a thing or two about real pain, and not all of it is in the neck.

Let's review.

Yes, each year there is a golf tournament played on the streets and alleys of downtown Cape Girardeau. The temporary course goes up and down the terraces of the Common Pleas Courthouse. The course hugs the Mississippi River. And it stretches as far south as the Red House Interpretive Center.

The Red House is the beneficiary of everything left over from the tournament entry fees and hole sponsorships after all the expenses (minimal, thanks to so many volunteers) are subtracted. This is a good cause, as fundraising tournaments go. And I can guarantee two things: One, this is the only opportunity you will have to swing a club in an organized downtown event. Two, you will have fun.

The idea of hitting a golf ball from the top of the courthouse steps over Spanish, Main and Water streets into the Big River came to me nearly 20 years ago when I was eating my peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich one day, sitting on one of the benches on the courthouse lawn. Could it be done? How much damage would there be? Do you go to jail for trying?

These are not the things most golfers usually think about. Which is why the downtown golf tournament is so special. For example, is hitting your ball into the river really out of bounds?

With the help of the city's parks and recreation department, headed by Julia Thompson, the downtown golf tournament runs like a well-oiled timepiece. Just as important are the organizational skills of Charlie Herbst and Eric McGowen, who have been tournament stalwarts from the very beginning. It was Charlie's "let's get it done" attitude and zeal that resulted in the very first tournament. And Eric has been there for whatever needed to be done, particularly culinary advice. Just ask him sometime.

Now, I know there may be one or two of you who have never participated in a downtown golf tournament. Here's something you need to know. Instead of hitting real golf balls, you use something that looks like a napkin ring and is called a Birdieball. Honest to goodness, the Birdieball acts just like a real golf ball, but it doesn't go as far. And if it hits something breakable or dentable, the Birdieball leaves no telltale damage. I promise.

So, here's what you need to do. Start looking for announcements in the Southeast Missourian about the downtown golf tournament. Or call the parks and rec department. Those folks will be glad to get you registered or sign you up for a hole sponsorship. Or just show up before the 1 p.m. start of the tournament on Sunday, Sept. 28, and fork over your money. Yes, cash still works.

After you've played nine holes, head for Port Cape Restaurant where you can cool off with the beverage of your choice and enjoy a tasty catfish buffet and swap lies about playing golf with a napkin ring.

As it turns out, Tiger Woods isn't the only golfer who won't make this year's tournament. I can't be there either. As it turns out, my wife's niece's son -- he and his sister are the closet we'll ever come to grandchildren -- is getting married at 3 p.m. Sept. 28 in Portland, Ore. And we will be there instead of playing downtown golf. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Or the wedding cake. Or whatever.

So plan to do a good thing. Plan to do a fun thing. Sign up and show up for the downtown golf tournament. It's coming sooner than you think. A whole month doesn't last as long as it used to. Take my word on that.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian. Over the years, the downtown golf tournament has raised thousands of dollars for the Red House, one of Cape Girardeau's historical jewels. This fundraiser succeeds because of the generous support of players and sponsors. Please help any way you can. Thank you.