NEWTON'S LAW: MODERNIZATION IN ALL THINGS ... WELL, AT LEAST IN SOME THINGS

The television commercial is like a thousand others, only less abashed (if that's possible) by its overriding message ... which is buy, buy, buy.

Jay Leno is exercising his ample jaw on a Dorito, a tasty corn chip that creates breath no flossing can remedy. The tag line he delivers is this: "Crunch all you want ... we'll make more."

It's a cute line, well-delivered. It says, "We're here to serve you. Don't feel bad for being a glutton. As long as they make corn and calories and Scope, we'll supply you."

Pitching a product is never quite that blunt, but this message does touch upon a critical, unspoken element of marketing, which is to keep the customer coming back.

One-time buyers are the death of Doritos. People need to be happily and persistently crunching, else the ultimate marketing nightmare ensues: the bottom line is affected.

I was thinking of this as I browsed through a magazine - The Moderation Reader - that came to my desk. It is a publication supported by the alcoholic beverage industry that abides by this adage:

Ne quid nimis.

Moderation in all things.

(Those zany Greeks should have been familiar with another adage: "do as I say, not as I do." Fermentation was discovered at least 20,000 years ago and the ancient Greeks worshipped, among others, a god of wine.)

The Moderation Reader, however, focuses not on the tempering of all aspects of behavior but on a freshly grown desire for drinkers to practice their hobby "responsibly" and to "know when to say when."

It is an industry response to the public outrage at the growing number of people who are killed in alcohol-related automobile accidents. With popular support rising to stem the tide of drunken driving, brewers and distillers thought it was time to get with the program.

The program as defined by the beverage makers was somewhat more pliant than that envisioned by, say, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. MADD wants a two-by-four applied to the industry's noggin. The industry, on the other hand, took refuge with the Greeks; this moderation thing, it turned out, had some merit.

In one step, brewers reached the moral high ground and averted corporate catastrophe. It was a good day's work.

Not that The Moderation Reader is an eloquent manifesto. Rather, the publisher finds titled personnel of various councils of health and science those with enlightened views about an occasional drink and prints their findings.

One doctor of moderation included this relevant commentary: "The Pilgrims brought beer with them on the Mayflower and did not beget a new nation of alcoholics."

So, the first Thanksgiving might have been more festive than we were led to believe. Had things worked out differently in Massachusetts, the nation's premier brewery might be known as Anheuser-Standish.

All that aside, we find the dilemma of those who market the brewer's art. Corn chip makers need not restrain their pitch on the notion that arteries are being hardened with each crunch.

Moderation is encouraged only with those products that effect more immediate mortality. Though their history doesn't date back to the Mayflower, Doritos have been traced to no carnage. Hence, the marketing plans can be unsparing.

Beer makers, on the other hand, can't tell their consumers, "Drink all you want ... we'll make more."