MISSOURIANA

An old-timer is someone who insists a baseball team is made up of nine players but hasn't read about the 1998 St. Louis Cardinals.

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Missouri Democrats held candidate-training classes and called the events Camp Carnahan. Where were the poison ivy, heat rashes and homesick kids?

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With about two weeks to go, Missouri's voters have expressed little interest in the Aug. 4 primary election. In fact, the big news is that one is going to be held.

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Casino owners assure Missourians they will have an opportunity to vote this fall on the boats-in-moats issue. Annual elections on gambling have become more certain than slot-machine payouts.

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Missouri has so many early education programs that before long the state's newborns will start calling their teachers Mom.

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If you think you have a difficult job, try explaining why -- despite rulings from the Missouri Supreme Court and the Missouri Gaming Commission --all the slot machines are still operating.

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The winner of this fall's race for U.S. senator from Missouri will either be Christopher Bond or Jay Nixon -- unless Mark McGwire decides to run as an independent.

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Some questions are better left unasked, such as "Hot enough for you?"