MISSOURIANA

Missouri has already executed a record number of convicts this year, raising doubts about any changes the pope's visit to the state might have had.

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Missouri may appear to be unremarkable to the rest of the world, but the state holds the record for spending $3.4 billion to make its urban school students dumber.

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In Des Moines, Iowa, city employees have posted signs on utility poles warning that posting signs on utility poles is illegal.

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No politicians is certifiably honest until he admits he's in politics for the money and glory.

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If you're beginning to lack the motivation to go to work every day, consider the plight of Pat Buchanan, Gary Bauer and Dan Quayle.

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Home-run king Mark McGwire has been hailed as an inspiration for just about everyone except his error-prone teammates.

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Talk about irony: Kansas City had a tough time finding anyone to run the schools which Missourians have spent $2 billion to improve.

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One can only wonder if the Air Force flight to drop medical supplies on a woman stranded in Antarctica was approved by her HMO.

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No judge will be too tough on Missourians charged with hitting someone who asks, "Hot enough for you?

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Science may still not have the answer to the common cold, but folks without air conditioning are still hoping for a breakthrough for the uncommon heat.

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The nation's governors decided to hold their big conference in St. Louis right before the last person to leave turned off the lights.

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An old-timer is someone who remembers when worry about lack of rain ended when a traveling evangelist arrived in town.

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Conditions are so dry in some parts of the country that even a visit by Vice President Al Gore seems exciting.

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Major-league baseball umpires resign, then rescind their resignations, then promise not to walk off their jobs. Hey, guys, three strikes and you're out.