MISSOURIANA

One of the unappreciated benefits of the post-holiday season is getting to know the friendly folks who run the gift-return departments.

Nothing erases the bad memories of hot, humid, uncomfortable Missouri summers more than cold, snowy, uncomfortable Missouri winters.

If Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, then who invented "Good evening, sir, have you ever thought what would happen to your loved ones if you died?"

If Bill Clinton and John Ashcroft opened a law firm, they would have clients coming left and right.

George W. Bush has learned that the trouble with naming a Cabinet member from the opposite party is you don't get credit for it if no one ever heard of him.

Missouri's new governor, Bob Holden, follows Bush's practice and names a Republican to his staff, but he fails to get credit because many thought she was a Democrat anyway.

Democrats and Republicans have been fighting over who will control the Missouri Senate. Doesn't everyone know there is no control in the Missouri Senate?