MISSOURI WATCH: VALIDATING MURPHY'S LAW

"The more insignificant the task, the longer required to complete it." -- Murphy's Law

Missouri, being a society of laws, is obviously observing Murphy's Law to the fullest, particularly when an official effort is being made to redesign and replace our long-suffering license plates issued just after statehood and creation of a Department of Corrections.

A committee formed months ago is still undecided what colors will replace the now-faded brownish-maroon job that bears the catchy slogan, "Show-Me State." When it comes to artistic designs and meaningful descriptions, Jefferson City is hardly at the head of the class. It would be fair to say that Jefferson City, when it comes to designing colorful, clever licenses, has no class at all.

The hard-working license-design committee is set to hold additional hearings and more studies next month, although there have been hints the job may not be completed until next spring. No doubt, the complexity of the task has taken its toll on members' ability to get on with a relatively simple job before the next Ice Age strikes.

The other 49 states have already designed, stamped and sold their licenses, and even though some artistic souls have used a typeface that is virtually unreadable, particularly at speeds above 25 miles per hour, the other legislative license committees in the nation have moved on to more important jobs, such as finding ways of getting more money from the taxpayer to pay for Caribbean junkets.

Let's run through some of the catchier slogans adopted by other states in the hope that one will ring a bell with members of our errant selection committee.

Alabama: If You Can Read This, You're Not from Around Here.

Alaska: You Can't Imagine How Cold It Gets

Arkansas: We Had Hope but Where's the Glory?

California: Freeways Make Us Crazier Than You

Colorado: A Rocky Mountain Hi

Delaware: Bet You Can't Find Us on the Map

Florida: Foreign Vacationers Welcomed and Killed

Georgia: Peaches, Peanuts and Poor People

Hawaii: You'll Lava Our Islands

Idaho: Potatoes Taste Better Than Broccoli

Illinois: Lincoln Was Our Last Honest Politician

Indiana: Aren't You Glad the Former Vice President Is Back Home in Indiana?

Iowa: You Can't Imagine How Dull This Place Is

Kansas: Home of the Dole

Kentucky: We Race Horses, Smoke Tobacco and Drink Bourbon---We Die Young

Louisiana: Cajun Cooking and Cagey Politicians

Maine: George Bush Used to Fish Here

Maryland: More Interesting Than Delaware

Michigan: A Northern State With Southern Efficiency

Minnesota: If You Think They Talk Funny in Louisiana

Mississippi: Everybody Outranks Us

Montana: People Get Us Confused with Idaho

Nebraska: The Recruiting Violations State

Nevada: We Bet - You Lose!

New Hampshire: Land of Obscurity

New Jersey: America's Armpit

New Mexico: Taco Distribution Center of the World

New York: We're Better Than You Even If We Are Incredibly Stupid and Obnoxious

North Carolina: Nobody Much Comes From Our State

Ohio: The State of Lost Souls and Cincinnati

Rhode Island: Another Land of Obscurity

South Carolina: Just Below North Carolina

South Dakota: More Interesting Than North Dakota

Tennessee: Ain't Opry Grand!

Texas: We're Big--You Could Even Say Bloated

Utah: You Oughta See Utah

Vermont: We're Stuck on Maple Syrup

Virginia: We Are a Strange Bunch of People

Washington: Not to Be Confused With the Other Washington

West Virginia: West of Virginia and Uglier

Wisconsin: Eat Cheese or Die

Wyoming: Why Would You Want to Live Here?

If our legislators can't find better slogans than these, they're in a state of misery. Now there's an idea!

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of the Missouri News and Editorial Service.