MISSOURI WATCH: FINAL EXAMS FOR POLITICIANS

As we recently discussed what kind of final examination would be given at the end of the semester, a nervous young university junior observed that college life would be a lot easier without tests. "Sometime," he said in a wistful voice, "I'd like to be able to live in a test-free environment without having to worry whether I succeeded or failed because of some test."

Trying to alleviate the student's concern, I reminded him that tests made him work harder, which in turn guaranteed to those who were paying several thousand dollars every semester to keep him in school that they were getting their money's worth.

"If you really want to live in a test-free environment, you should become a politician," I suggested. "Once in office, these folks don't have to worry about tests until the next election. No one makes them write long answers extending for pages until their fingers ache, and only occasionally do they get a multiple-choice question which can be answered by saying, 'I'll have to review that.'" For a brief moment, the student said nothing and then, in typical collegiate fashion, said, "It would just be my luck that the year I entered politics, some wise guy would start testing officeholders."

Well, we really don't have to wait for the student's entry into the Great Game of Politics to begin testing our politicians about what they have learned in Jefferson City since their election and so without further filibuster, I'm proud to present:

"THE FIRST UNOFFICIAL FINAL EXAMINATION FOR MISSOURI PUBLIC OFFICIALS"

1. What will happen to the approximately $345 million that is annually being spent for desegregated school plans in St. Louis and Kansas City when the state is released from further obligations by federal courts?

2. Will you vote to use these funds for: (a) a tax reduction? (b) more aid for local schools and higher education? (c) meet other expenses? (d) a combination of these options? If your answer is (d), be specific in listing how you would divide this "windfall."

3. If Missouri approves deregulation and permits competition in providing local telephone service, will the regulatory power of the Public Service Commission to set rates be ended?

4. Exactly how much will be saved by state control of portions of the federal Medicaid program and where will these savings occur?

5. If the original intentions of the Coordinating Board for Higher Education are to be realized, are you willing to provide additional power to this group to exercise greater budgetary control and reduce duplication of academic programs between taxpayer-supported colleges and universities?

6. Explain, in 5,000 words or less, the merits and demerits of Outcome Based Education.

7. Despite the closure of several state facilities for the mentally ill and mentally retarded and the placement of these patients in private-care facilities, the total payroll of the Department of Mental Health has decreased only slightly. Why?

8. Are any realistic steps being taken to control and treat the rapidly increasing number of Missourians addicted to illegal drugs?

9. Has any independent study been made to determine whether the states multimillion-dollar purchase every year of new equipment, including computers, fax machines and cellular phones, is economically sound?

10. In light of the extremely lenient terms offered to the Los Angeles Rams, what provision has the state made to assure its annual debt-reduction payment for the domed stadium built at St. Louis?

11. As the number of new prisoners to state penal facilities continues to increase at an alarming rate, has any study been ordered to determine if Missouri can reduce the cost of confining non-violent criminals?

12. Since the number of state employees has increased at a much higher rate than for federal workers, what steps have been taken to see that Missouri's rate does not increase even more rapidly as federal programs are turned over to states?

(Note to those taking this test: Unfortunately, even if you fail, you still keep your job.)

~Jack Stapleton is a Kennett columnist who keeps tabs on government.