MISSOURI WATCH: A TEST FOR CRITICS OF EDUCATION

At a recent party where the topics of conversation were anything but intellectual, one of the guests suddenly blurted forth the unexpected expletive: "Today's schools stink!" Several minutes were needed before those within earshot of the speaker gained their composure, but the gentleman continued his tirade, which in ail honesty, was delivered in flawless grammar.

So taken aback were most listeners that most elected to move to another room, where the conversation turned to more topical subjects, such as NBA playoffs and the lack of commercial success for O.J. Simpson's tape. Those who were a little braver waited around for the other shoe to fall from the above-mentioned modern-educational critic. The other shoe soon fell.

"I've been told that today's I.Q. tests are much easier than when we were students," the critic said as he addressed his smaller audience. "There are high school graduates who can't read their diplomas, kids going to college who can't write an intelligible sentence, and eighth graders who still can't read a sentence without stammering."

There, the indictment had been written and read, but the jury was still out. One asked where our expert had received his information. "Ask anybody," he retorted with the same note of sarcasm that accompanied his initial declaration. Another asked if the speaker had taken any high school examinations lately. "Don't need to," he declared, "I could pass them with my eyes closed."

I admit I was tempted to ask the critic if he wasn't confusing his eyes with his mind. I didn't, but I made a mental note to solicit some high school examination questions that are being asked these days in classrooms around the state. So I wrote a friend in Jefferson City who worries a lot about such things as education and making subjects relevant and how important it is to provide the very best possible curricula for today's teen-age scholars.

My friend quickly faxed me questions that will serve as prototypes for public school tests under the new Outstanding Schools Act. I'll pass along a few of the questions, confessing that I have omitted some, not because they were too easy but because I had no idea what the answers were.

If you're ready, join me in answering the following questions that will be showing up on high school exams all around Missouri:

1. Based on your studies, identify and discuss the "Missouri Compromise." At minimum, your answer must include the date and all the terms of the compromise.

2. Define, compare and contrast the "Metaphysical" and "Cavalier" schools of poetry. Support your answer with at least three authors and works from each of these schools.

3. Providing specific dates and at least four examples, describe the differences and similarities between the U.S. Constitution and the earlier Virginia Plan.

4. Explain how carbon-dating works and give examples of both an inappropriate and an appropriate use of this method. Explain your reasoning for each.

5. Based on class notes and readings, describe three ways in which steam technology encouraged the growth of America's economy in the 19th century.

6. List the 13 original English colonies of North America, then choose two colonies and describe how and why each was founded.

7. Provide detailed information on the role played by plutonium, its original use and how it was developed by scientists in the United States and Europe.

8. Outline the details of the U.S. Presidential Succession Act and what events precipitated its enactment. Discuss any potential effects of the act and the safeguards that are in effect.

9. List some of the benefits promised by nuclear medicine as well as its obvious and subtle hazards. Trace the origin of nuclear medicine and identify its current treatment applications.

10. Who was Adam Smith? List at least two of the economic principles he advanced?

Although my friend did not send this question, I am adding one of my own to the list:

11. How many critics of today's schools could answer the 10 questions above?

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of the Missouri News and Editorial Service.